Embracing the Spectrum: A Journey of Love and Neurodivergence

neurodivergence and motherhood

As I leaned over his crib, a tumult of emotions swirled within me as I attuned to the gentle cadence of his rising and falling chest. His soft, rhythmic newborn breaths and those distinct half-lidded eyes—a trait he still holds onto—whispered of dreams beyond my comprehension. My fingers gently cradled his petal-soft newborn hand, its…

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The Grandparenthood

grandparenting

I was sitting on the couch holding the newborn who was trying to fall asleep and burp at the same time. The gentle rocking wasn’t helping, but the soft humming I was doing seemed to soothe him, at least for now. My left arm having fallen asleep, I switched him to the right arm which…

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It’s Fine. Everything’s Fine. (Except I Lit the Fire.)

mother anger

Have you seen the meme of the dog sipping coffee amongst the flames? The one where he says “It’s fine. Everything’s fine”? Most days I am that dog, sitting calmly through the chaos. And yet, I also lit the fire. My anger frightens me. It lies dormant beneath a peaceful exterior, surprising everybody, including me,…

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Lights-On Love

lights-on love

I jumped as someone pounded on my front door.  On a sleeting Tuesday morning in November, at the height of Covid isolation, we certainly weren’t expecting anyone. I cautiously opened the door and saw a teenage boy standing on my front steps. He was breathing heavily; I could tell he had been running. It took…

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The God of Wailing and Rocking

caring for sick infant

For a few days before and after my youngest child’s sixth birthday, I was very emotional. I couldn’t stop sobbing in the little moments of my day. It was mildly alarming, until, of course, I softened enough for a memory to resurface. “How long has it been since you’ve held your baby?” the nurse asked,…

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The Life, Death, and Resurrection of Caregiving

transformation through caregiving

I am only beginning to chip away at the mystery of what a profound gift it is to be called in ways big and small, to respond to others as Jesus did.  That is not to say I am particularly good at it. Occasionally though, I catch glimpses of this grace through the bleary eyes…

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A Litany for Mothers

a mother's litany

From the belief that I am alone in my motherhood, deliver me Jesus. From the belief that my productivity lies within a completed checklist, deliver me Jesus. From the idol of business, deliver me Jesus. From the belief that my husband and I are the same, deliver me Jesus. From the self hate about all…

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The Invisible String of Foster Care

foster family connection

The call from the social worker came when it usually does, which is to say at a completely random day and time. There was a baby boy getting ready to be discharged from the hospital, but his birth parents were unable to care for him. Would my husband and I be willing to foster him?…

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Broken for You

mothering God

When his crying woke me, night had already descended. Worn down by seven weeks of sleep deprivation, I’d put myself to bed before sundown. This was how I’d survive the grueling newborn stage again: I’d “sleep when the baby’s sleeping” away my tiredness. I pawed at my phone and checked the time. 2 a.m. I’d…

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The Privilege of Friendship

intergenerational community

Gathered around the familiar multi-purpose, formica folding tables, I was the youngest of the group by at least ten years. Thursday Bible study had become a treasured time because of the insight, wisdom, and humor that these wiser women shared with me. One day, as a new session began, some younger women invited me to…

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Count Your Crosses: The Graces of Fortitude and Perseverance

caring for a special needs child

The cold had run its course through our whole family, taking down each man, woman, and child for days at a time, eating up the entire month of March in early 2011. While everyone else recovered, even five-month-old Teddy, Fulton struggled, weak and congested, long past the point when the other four were back to…

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