Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
Prayer After Miscarriage
FOR THE WEEK AFTER MISCARRIAGE “Out of the depths I call to you, Lord; Lord, hear my cry!” (Ps 130:1–2) God of mercy, hear our prayer. From the depths of our grief, answer us. Our hearts break at the loss of our child. Our minds struggle to understand. Just days ago we held the hope…
Read MoreCalled by the Swiss Alphorn Into the Arms of the Creator
Three years into living in picturesque Switzerland, I sat in a warm bath on a hot August afternoon trying to ease miscarriage contractions. I soaked in discomfort, both physically and mentally. Once again I found myself at the end of my rope, stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark pit that I didn’t have…
Read MoreThe Beauty of Motherhood Excerpt: Nourished
Even before being discharged from the hospital following the birth of my second child, Isaac, I discovered my blood pressure increased. In the weeks leading to delivery at check-ups, the nurses had to double-check my pressure multiple times as the numbers kept getting higher and higher. I never needed additional medicine or a hospital stay,…
Read MoreNothing but Mother
After birth, I am all at once at home and out of place. Every task now a luxury of time. I want to spend all day with the baby, I want to spend all day alone. This month I have done nothing but mother, my body given in service to a tiny human I just…
Read MoreWaiting for Resurrection: Depression and Pregnancy
I’m lying flat on my back in a hospital examination room, acid reflux burning in my throat. A polite male doctor scans my protruding belly as I stare at the graying tiles on the ceiling while praying hard and fast, “Please be okay. Please be okay.” It was a routine appointment until my 34-week bump…
Read MoreForgiving God Excerpt
This is how I ask the question of suffering now. I used to ask about theories, about how God’s goodness could square with God’s love, how different properties of God made sense in light of suffering. I used to read books about suffering and cry and wonder, in a safely academic way, how these stories…
Read MorePruning My Idea of a Perfect Life
At some point early in our marriage, my husband and I took a shine to the idea of living on a self-sufficient homestead. After poring over books about the Catholic back-to-the-land movement, Catholic Worker farms, and homesteading, we thought we’d found the perfect escape from the normal 9-to-5. We had our plan: purchase a house…
Read MoreEveryday Sacrament Excerpt
This Is My Body, Given for You When the hour came, he took his place at the table, and the apostles with him…Then he took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this…
Read MoreA Blessing for the September Mother
A Blessing for the September Mother: Who doesn’t make enough memories Or lives for the bucket list Who misses the first day of school Or performs acrobatics to get it off work Who holds milestones and grief in the same hand Or relishes in routine Who feels nauseous with anxiety Or notices she can breathe again Who despises making packed…
Read MoreLove Poured Out
I pace around our living room, wringing my hands, instinctively practicing the deep breathing of my labor weeks earlier—slow, sharp inhale…long, forceful exhale—in an effort to calm myself down. Eric holds our tiny firstborn, who sucks vigorously on one of my husband’s pinkies with all the ferocity of a ravenous vacuum cleaner. Eric tentatively ventures:…
Read MoreKeep Me Awake: Prayer as a Mother
“I don’t know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed” — Mary Oliver, from “The Summer Day” I stand in an open field, watching for signs of rain. An hour…
Read MoreLament for a Tree
It was a morning like any other, except for the chainsaws. They started early—before my two-year-old was even up—and continued on well past her afternoon nap. While the coffee brewed, I peeked out the back window and saw them: hard hats in highlighter yellow dotting the tree line, and our tree in particular. Our urban…
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