Forget the Highlight Reel: We’ve Got To Go Through It

holding tight to love

In a few weeks, the college-aged young adults return home.  Some are simply sleeping here for a few nights before making a cameo appearance at the dinner table in between groomsmen duties and friend visits. Another is crashing here for two weeks before a summer-long internship, and another has staked her claim in the empty…

Read More

The Rising Dough of Motherhood

rising motherhood

One Sunday morning, I woke up motivated. Mass at our parish is at 10:30, and with two toddlers, we can squeeze in almost an entire day before then, so after coffee was poured, muffins were distributed, and grapefruit was segmented, I started to make a loaf of bread to serve with dinner so it could…

Read More

A Prayer for the Mental Load of Motherhood

A Prayer for the Mental Load of Motherhood

God—Perfect Parent, I carry my children—body, mind, heart, emotion, and mind. I carry the privilege of loving them well. I carry the burden of leading them well. When the mental load is tremendous, keep me from trembling. When the fears are many, calm my body systems. When the confusion is heavy, illuminate the next step.…

Read More

Still, Slow, Stoke, Save My Anger

Still, Slow, Stoke, Save My Anger

Still my anger, Lord over milk spilled toothpaste wasted urine everywhere but the toilet Slow my anger, Lord when I am constantly interrupted my plans are thwarted my children misbehave and I feel embarrassed when I go without sleep without food without a moment of quiet Stoke my anger, Lord when children go without food,…

Read More

Embracing the Spectrum: A Journey of Love and Neurodivergence

neurodivergence and motherhood

As I leaned over his crib, a tumult of emotions swirled within me as I attuned to the gentle cadence of his rising and falling chest. His soft, rhythmic newborn breaths and those distinct half-lidded eyes—a trait he still holds onto—whispered of dreams beyond my comprehension. My fingers gently cradled his petal-soft newborn hand, its…

Read More

The Grandparenthood

grandparenting

I was sitting on the couch holding the newborn who was trying to fall asleep and burp at the same time. The gentle rocking wasn’t helping, but the soft humming I was doing seemed to soothe him, at least for now. My left arm having fallen asleep, I switched him to the right arm which…

Read More

It’s Fine. Everything’s Fine. (Except I Lit the Fire.)

mother anger

Have you seen the meme of the dog sipping coffee amongst the flames? The one where he says “It’s fine. Everything’s fine”? Most days I am that dog, sitting calmly through the chaos. And yet, I also lit the fire. My anger frightens me. It lies dormant beneath a peaceful exterior, surprising everybody, including me,…

Read More

Lights-On Love

lights-on love

I jumped as someone pounded on my front door.  On a sleeting Tuesday morning in November, at the height of Covid isolation, we certainly weren’t expecting anyone. I cautiously opened the door and saw a teenage boy standing on my front steps. He was breathing heavily; I could tell he had been running. It took…

Read More

The God of Wailing and Rocking

caring for sick infant

For a few days before and after my youngest child’s sixth birthday, I was very emotional. I couldn’t stop sobbing in the little moments of my day. It was mildly alarming, until, of course, I softened enough for a memory to resurface. “How long has it been since you’ve held your baby?” the nurse asked,…

Read More

The Life, Death, and Resurrection of Caregiving

transformation through caregiving

I am only beginning to chip away at the mystery of what a profound gift it is to be called in ways big and small, to respond to others as Jesus did.  That is not to say I am particularly good at it. Occasionally though, I catch glimpses of this grace through the bleary eyes…

Read More

A Litany for Mothers

a mother's litany

From the belief that I am alone in my motherhood, deliver me Jesus. From the belief that my productivity lies within a completed checklist, deliver me Jesus. From the idol of business, deliver me Jesus. From the belief that my husband and I are the same, deliver me Jesus. From the self hate about all…

Read More