ESSAYS
Lights-On Love
I jumped as someone pounded on my front door. On a sleeting Tuesday morning in November, at the height of Covid isolation, we certainly weren’t expecting anyone. I cautiously opened the door and saw a teenage boy standing on my front steps. He was breathing heavily; I could tell he had been running. It took me…
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The God of Wailing and Rocking
For a few days before and after my youngest child’s sixth birthday, I was very emotional. I couldn’t stop sobbing in the little moments of my day. It was mildly alarming, until, of course, I softened enough for a memory to resurface. “How long has it been since you’ve held your baby?” the nurse asked,…
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The Life, Death, and Resurrection of Caregiving
I am only beginning to chip away at the mystery of what a profound gift it is to be called in ways big and small, to respond to others as Jesus did. That is not to say I am particularly good at it. Occasionally though, I catch glimpses of this grace through the bleary eyes…
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The Invisible String of Foster Care
The call from the social worker came when it usually does, which is to say at a completely random day and time. There was a baby boy getting ready to be discharged from the hospital, but his birth parents were unable to care for him. Would my husband and I be willing to foster him?…
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Broken for You
When his crying woke me, night had already descended. Worn down by seven weeks of sleep deprivation, I’d put myself to bed before sundown. This was how I’d survive the grueling newborn stage again: I’d “sleep when the baby’s sleeping” away my tiredness. I pawed at my phone and checked the time. 2 a.m. I’d…
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The Privilege of Friendship
Gathered around the familiar multi-purpose, formica folding tables, I was the youngest of the group by at least ten years. Thursday Bible study had become a treasured time because of the insight, wisdom, and humor that these wiser women shared with me. One day, as a new session began, some younger women invited me to…
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Uncomfortable Conversations: Meeting God in the Present Moment
I live with an embered faith. It has burned down low. It has almost gone out. Is it embarrassing to admit this? Perhaps. I no longer know the certainty I once had of who God is or what God wants. I most certainly do not know what God wants. I thought I knew once, and…
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The Greatest Gifts We Can Give Our Teens
We all love a good checklist, don’t we? “Five things you must do this fall!”“Ten ways to tell your kids you love them!”“Three things every parent must do!” Where, pray tell, is the checklist for how to raise young adults who love Jesus and never stray from their faith? I’d argue that we’ve put the…
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What the Korean Mother Martyrs Teach Us
Reading the stories of the Korean saints to me is like sparks flying when meeting a new mom at the park. There’s the thrill of each shared connection and an eagerness for more. When I learn about the Korean saints, I find threads connecting me to them in our shared Korean heritage. As a mother,…
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Loneliness, Jesus, and My Mothering Spirit
I fell apart in my kitchen a few nights after another school shooting that left children and teachers dead. My kids were asleep, and I was washing the dishes when my tightly leashed emotions finally broke free. Anger, grief, and hopelessness washed over me and my soapy, shaking hands. The weight of the vocation of…
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When Prayers Go Unanswered
In fall 2021, I was bombarding heaven with prayers for my daughter, who was starting her senior year of high school. She had received a scholarship to play basketball at an elite high school, but she had spent most of her sophomore year sidelined with shin-splints and her junior year sitting on the sidelines with…
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Called by the Swiss Alphorn Into the Arms of the Creator
Three years into living in picturesque Switzerland, I sat in a warm bath on a hot August afternoon trying to ease miscarriage contractions. I soaked in discomfort, both physically and mentally. Once again I found myself at the end of my rope, stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark pit that I didn’t have…
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