Search results for: twins
all that we carry
I put off packing the hospital bag as long as I could. I didn’t want to jinx it. I didn’t want to think about the last time I packed it. Mostly I didn’t know what to put inside. The usual necessities, of course. Pajamas. Hairbrush. Baby clothes. But I was bringing so much more with…
Read Morethe spiritual side of pregnancy after loss
Pregnancy after the loss of a baby – following miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death – is a daunting prospect. From a distance I used to think “trying again” or “having another baby” must be a happy, hopeful, healing part of parenthood. (File this away under “Things I Didn’t Really Understand Until They Happened to Me.”)…
Read Morethe world is never ready
“How can you choose to have a child now?” She asked me honestly, the way a wise and good friend can. We’d spent half of dinner talking about how the world is spinning mad, careening out of control. And then she leaned over the table in flickering candlelight and asked me – me sitting there nauseous,…
Read Morethe journey of the magi (one year)
‘A cold coming we had of it, Just the worst time of the year For a journey, and such a long journey: The ways deep and the weather sharp, The very dead of winter.’ One year ago was when everything started to go wrong with our twins. When the worst-case scenario became the present-day reality. When…
Read MoreThis Is Why We Give Thanks
“One act of thanksgiving made when things go wrong is worth a thousand when things go well.” (St. John of Avila) My children’s favorite grace before meals is—(ducks and blushes from theological embarrassment)—the Johnny Appleseed song. Oh, the Lord’s been good to me / And so I thank the Lord For giving me / The things…
Read Morewhat to do for kids when their sibling dies
My older brother died when I was ten. My twin daughters died when their brothers were 6, 4, and 2. I’m not a professionally trained grief expert, but I know a few things from what life (and death) has taught me. After our daughters died, we struggled to know how to help our sons in their…
Read Morewhat to do when a friend loses a baby
When a friend or relative loses a baby – from miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death – it is a devastating loss. Our family has been down this dark road three times: when we lost a baby to miscarriage and when our twin daughters died shortly after their premature birth. If you’re wondering what to do…
Read Moregrowing up with grief
My older brother died twenty-five years ago today. I was ten years old. I grew up with grief. All week I expected that today would hit hard. When someone you love has been gone a long time, you get used to the strange, unpredictable nature of anniversaries. Sometimes another year passes by without great sorrow; instead there…
Read MoreGod in the wilderness
After our twins died, mothers from all over wrote to me. They had lost babies before birth, after birth, in childhood, and beyond. They wrote to me with love and compassion, empathy’s impulse to reach out in shared suffering, even to a stranger. And to a person, they all said the same thing. God was with me…
Read Morethe dark side of light
Listen closely. What I have to say is just as important – if not more – than this story. The one that started it all. And brought so many of you here. Every single story has a dark side. And the dark side of the unexpected joy we found during Abby’s death – it matters just…
Read MoreThe Hardest and Holiest of Weeks
Thin places. The ancient Celts gave us this phrase to capture the feeling of space and time when heaven and earth are scarcely separated. My life has held a handful of these sacred moments and holy grounds. I imagine yours has, too. I always recognized these encounters in space and time by their sheerness—the sense that I…
Read Morea eulogy for maggie and abby
People often lament that while there is a word for those who have lost parents (orphan) and those who have lost a spouse (widow/widower), there is no word in English for those who have lost a child. People often say this is because the death of a child violates the natural order. That parents should not have…
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