Essays
See What You Have Done. Know That It Is Good.
He goes in to look at them. Every night before we shut the door to our bedroom and declare the day done, he goes to see the sleeping boys. Too often I play the part of the tired mother. I have been with them all day. I do not feel the need to watch again, especially now that…
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Joy, Meet Relief
Can you hear it in their voices? Once you cut through the baffled wonder and divide the nagging disbelief and set aside the stuttering astonishment, there it is: relief. He is risen. He is risen? He is risen! It’s not a matter of simple punctuation. There are a thousand reactions to surprising news, and the Gospels cover nearly every one. Mary…
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Baby’s First Holy Week
Sweet boy, here we are. In the holiest of weeks. It all started on Palm Sunday. You solemnly gumming the long green palm in your father’s hands. Your brothers waving their palms wildly around the air (bonus points for whacking a sibling in the eye). Me watching all of you, half wondering why we bother to bring…
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Lent: What We Need Is Here
And we pray, not for new earth or heaven, but to be quiet in heart, and in eye clear. What we need is here. – from “The Wild Geese” by Wendell Berry Deep breath. Eyes closed. Flying leap. Each new Lent feels like this. Jumping into the unknown. Flinging ourselves into the arms of the divine.…
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Labor’s Stages: A Triduum
A journey of four days, each unique. Holy Week reveals itself in new shades every year, shadows of dark and light. It pushes through the broken, cold dirt of Lent’s long winter with a fresh green curl of hope. With only a few short weeks to go before baby’s birth, I see these feasts through a new slant. Each…
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Morbid? Motherhood & Mortality
“Mommy, I don’t want to die.” His big blue eyes stare up at me, full of—what? Worry? Seriousness? Wonder? We’ve been revisiting this conversation for months, variations on a theme: Mommy, I don’t want to go to be with God. Mommy, I want to live to be 100. Mommy, I don’t want you to die.…
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Prayers for Childbirth: Spirit as Intercessor and Groaner
The Holy Spirit can be hard to pin down. God’s presence with us, everywhere and always, sure. But many of us wonder what that means, what that looks like. Flames of fire? Speaking in tongues? Here’s what Scripture has to say, which speaks to the Spirit’s presence during labor: Brothers and sisters: The Spirit comes…
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Prayers for Childbirth: Christ as Companion
The prayer that got me through the toughest part of my labor with my first baby was—quite unexpectedly—part of the prayer of the breastplate of St. Patrick. This was a prayer that I was familiar with but never felt any particular affinity for. Yes, it was a lovely prayer; yes, it came from my Irish…
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Prayers for Childbirth: God as Midwife
When I was pregnant with my first son, my newly-graduated-from-theological-school self wanted to compile a journal of prayers for childbirth. Given my fear of the pain and the unknown that lay ahead of me, I was convinced that having prayers to accompany me through labor and birth would keep me calm, centered, and cool. Then…
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