Ten years ago we started being married. It is the vow that started our vocation. But what does it mean when a vow becomes an everyday verb? When a calling is shared as a single story? When we think about a wedding, we often think about a beginning. A clean slate for a new couple. An untraveled road stretching out before them. But there were endings that day, too. The end of family units as they once were, now learning to embrace another member. The end of two single lives, now braided together to become a new creation. We have chosen this person, and not another. We are making this decision, and not another. All of these beginnings and endings will change us. Forever. This is what callings do. . . . Last week I read When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. To be honest, I read it in two days. I could not put it down. It is the story of a neurosurgeon diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer when he was 36 years old. It is the memoir of a masterful writer. It is a poetic … [Read more...] about and yes i said yes i will yes
anniversary
the only story we know how to tell
He slid three pamphlets across his desk toward us. "You have to pick one of these for your pre-wedding retreat." They all looked the same. Glossy photos, smiling couples, cheesy quotes. I was tired from this tedious meeting of wedding planning and a long day of work. I really didn't care which one we picked. "Most couples I work with didn't like the first one. I don't know anything about the second. But the third one's supposed to be good. It's long, but it's worth it if you can make the dates work." I looked at my fiance. He shrugged. I shrugged, too. "I guess we'll take the third." . . . The terrifying thing about hindsight is how arbitrary certain decisions can seem. We picked that retreat because the dates worked. Yet after the obvious impact of our parents' long-lasting marriages, I am certain that nothing has influenced our own marriage more than the choice we made that sunny afternoon in the deacon's office. When we picked one brochure instead of the other … [Read more...] about the only story we know how to tell
the empty due date
I wrote this on the second anniversary of the due date that wasn't. I wasn't going to share it here. Then I was reminded that we all carry our handful of hard days each year: the death of a loved one, the anniversary of an accident, the memory of a loss, the date of a tragedy. If we live long enough, our calendars fill with these days. Empty and full. How we remember them is what matters. . . . There are no rituals for this, what you're supposed to do with a day that would have been circled in red and bursting with exclamation points and ticking with excited countdown. An empty due date. This day came and went last year, and it comes and goes this year. It will always be yours. You wake up in the morning; you know it is here; and there is nothing to do but go forward. Maybe you are grumpy or maybe you are weepy or maybe you are just plain pissed at the world. Maybe you lose your temper at the kids or maybe you squeeze them extra tight while they squirm away … [Read more...] about the empty due date
seven years
What does it mean to share seven years? Jokesters jest about the itch, of course. But that seems cynical. After seven years together, we don't instantly spring for calamine lotion or start to sneak away. Scholastics said seven was the age of reason. That sounds wiser. After seven years we've learned how to reason with each other, how to fight and forgive, when to hold on and when to let go. Traditionalists tout this anniversary's gifts as wool for warmth, copper for durability. That sounds fitting. After seven years we've settled into comfort and we hope it lasts. Scripture scholars coming off sabbatical might justify celebrating a Sabbath year. That sounds lovely. After seven years we'd take time to give thanks for what has been and rest to rejuvenate for what's to come. But I picture seven years as a springy second-grader, scraped knees from jumping off the jungle gym, gap-toothed grins for school pictures. That feels right. We're a bit banged up, having taken a few … [Read more...] about seven years
