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Mothering Spirit

everyday parenting as spiritual practice

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After Miscarriage

Prayer After Miscarriage

My prayer for miscarriage is featured in the book Pocket Prayers for Times of Trouble (Twenty-Third Publications, 2014).

God of comfort,
you who are mother and father of us all,
hear my anguish at the loss of my child.
My heart and body are broken,
wracked with pain and grief.
Let me bring you my cries
and my confusion,
my anger and my envy,
my guilt and my sorrow,
knowing that you mourn with me,
that my tears are not wept alone.

You who call us each by name
from our mother’s womb
know the wonder of life
no matter how small,
no matter how young.
Help me trust that you will hold
my baby in your hands
as I hold this child in my heart.

Your love is wide enough for my pain.
Your healing is the hope I cling to.
Be with me in my pain,
in this present darkness.
Enfold me in your embrace
and heal my deepest loss.

. . .

I write about miscarriage in my book, Everyday Sacrament: The Messy Grace of Parenting. For more of my reflections online, please click below. And know that you are in my prayers if you are grieving this loss.

On Carrying & Missing: the story of our loss

The Gossamer Veil: on grief

The Empty Due Date: on the anniversaries

The Trash Tells The Story: my essay on miscarriage featured at Mamalode

For All Our Children, Tonight and Always: on International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (October 15th)

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About Laura

I’m Laura Kelly Fanucci. Mother, writer, wonderer. This space is where I explore mothering through writing. It’s where I celebrate how God shows up in the chaos of raising children. It’s where I love to build community with readers like you. Read More…

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thismessygrace

thismessygrace
I have a habit of walking the ATL tunnels, but nev I have a habit of walking the ATL tunnels, but never made it to terminal T until yesterday. What I found stopped me in my tracks and spun my day around.

May we let ourselves be interrupted by joy and remember the beauty of being human.

Even in the least likely places.
If our daughters had lived, we never would have pl If our daughters had lived, we never would have planted this garden. 

There are pockets of beauty in my life today that could not have existed if they had survived.

Acknowledging this does not mean I accept their loss. Or that I wouldn’t trade it all to have them here instead.

But the grieving know this strange, stubborn, saving truth: that goodness can grow in the gaping holes left by the ones we love.

I don’t know any simple ways to make sense of the hard times in which we’re living. As a porous soul, I feel it all and it breaks my heart, even as I cling to what I know is true.

But loving and losing my girls has taught me that life is both heart-breaking and resilient, that surviving is more complicated than we suspect, that most people are walking around shattered beneath the surface.

Sometimes I can catch a glimpse of it, searing as sunlight: the grief in someone’s eyes behind their anger, the burden sagging their shoulders, the past that’s poisoning their present. Few things have transformed my life more than learning to recognize pain in others.

Grief is a long letting go of a life you thought you’d have. Most of us are carrying more of it than we realize—or remember when we’re dealing with each other (especially when we’re tearing each other down).

Go gentle today. Practicing compassion and generosity of spirit will crack open more of the world and its confounding struggles. You might lose the satisfying clarity you clung to before life broke your heart in complicated ways, but you will find more of God in the messy, maddening middle.

I have learned this much from the garden I never planned to plant, from a version of life I never dreamed.
The Moment After Suffering By Jessica Powers (Sis The Moment After Suffering

By Jessica Powers (Sister Miriam of the Holy Spirit)

Time’s cupped hand holds
no place so lenient, so calm as this, 
the moment after suffering. It is like
a sunlit clearing after densest wood,
bright by antithesis.
One sits upon a stump to get one’s bearing
and to admire such evidence of day.
Thicket and tangle fade; the furtive creatures
of darkness take their leave and slink away.
One feeds upon a succulent rich wisdom
that, to the mind’s surprise, has naught to do 
with late abjection; it is revelation,
God-fathered, heaven-new.

Oh, there are woods, of course, long forest stretches
of wide inhabited darkness to be crossed,
with pain and hunger, fear of unnamed creatures,
an imminent certainty of being lost.
But even these elude this meditation,
or if intrusive bring yet more release.
One muses as to what it will be like
to step at last from final forest into 
the infinite meadows of unending peace,
a place all light and yet not lighted by
the harsh, obtrusive sun that walks our sky,
light that the soul assimilates until
not witness but participant it stands,
taking of Godhead its amazing fill.
A morning meditation after a week of hard conversa A morning meditation after a week of hard conversations.
I bristle whenever I hear (well-meaning wise ones I bristle whenever I hear
(well-meaning wise ones say)

“Little kids, little problems.
Big kids, big problems.”

I know what they mean, of course. Parenting gets more complicated as young people grow.

But when my children were tiny, I was faced with trying to keep them alive despite life-threatening complications. That wasn’t little.

I know parents with grade-schoolers on suicide watch or tweens in intense therapy. That’s not little.

Life can be complicated and challenging from its very beginning.

The deeper wisdom I find is that smaller children do bring solvable circumstances in ways that older children do not.

Wet? Change to dry.
Hungry? Feed to full.
Sad? Comfort to calm.

In the midst of potty training my fifth child, I’ve realized something that my younger self would scoff to hear:

I will miss the cloth diaper laundry.

For thirteen years the bright colors have churned in our washer, tumbled in our dryer, hung on the line. Contrary to what you might think, they’re the easiest laundry of the household. Simple to sort, quick to fold, satisfying to stack.

But we’re leaving behind this stage for bigger clothes, washed independently by bigger kids. They’ll have to figure out more messes on their own.

May I stay grateful for whatever solvable circumstances their lives bring them.

May I learn to love them through whatever can’t be easily cleaned or smoothed or sorted.
Nearly 20 years ago (!) these crazy kids graduated Nearly 20 years ago (!) these crazy kids graduated from Notre Dame. Now we’re thick in the midst of life-with-kids, celebrating middle school & preschool & everything in between. 
 
Since June is a month for graduations & celebrations, I’m delighted to help you celebrate with @grottonetwork .

Grotto Network shares stories about life, work, faith, relationships, and more. Check out their videos, podcast, and articles to help you reflect on where you are in your journey.
 
Grotto Network has generously given 2-$100 gift cards to Bloomin’ Brands Restaurants (Outback, Carrabba’s, Bonefish Grill & more) to help you celebrate this month with friends & family! It’s a huge giveaway, because we all need to savor and celebrate whatever joy we can find these days.
 
To enter the giveaway, follow @grottonetwork and @thismessygrace and leave a comment below about what you’re celebrating this month. Tag a friend for extra entries (up to 3).
 
Rules: Open to the U.S. only. Entries will be accepted until 6/11/22 at 11:59 pm CT. The 2 winners will be chosen at random and announced on 6/12/22. Per Instagram rules, this promotion is in no way sponsored, administered, or associated with Instagram, Inc. By entering, entrants confirm that they are 13+ years of age, release Instagram of responsibility, and agree to Instagram's terms of use.
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