I finally tossed the stack of papers into the recycling bin, the post-op instructions we brought home after surgery. That laundry list of every possible complication and horrific side effect, the worries you watch for like a hawk when you first come home from the hospital, clutching the doctor's instructions as if they were a lifesaver. I felt a little sheepish when I realized the papers had been sitting on the bathroom counter for so long, spying at me each time I helped a child brush his teeth or wash his hands. Why did I think I needed to keep them around for weeks, even after surgery went fine and healing went as hoped and that healthy boy now runs around laughing and shrieking, never skipping a beat? But this is what you do when you're struggling to keep your head above water. You hold on. . . . After each birth it took me weeks to throw away the official discharge papers from the hospital. What if something awful happened to me or the baby? What if we didn't know what to … [Read more...] about what we hold tight & what we let go
trust
the hard and the holy
Three times I have held this moment. A baby in my arms, round-cheeked and solemn-eyed, stretching out his chubby hand towards an ice-cold window, swirls of first snow gusting just beyond the glass. Three times I have watched. Pudgy fingers smudging up against the pane, leaving a breath of fogged fingerprints behind. Brow furrowing, steady eyes silently wondering what is this? Cold and hard are not the usual domain of babies, the newest ones whose softest skin we wrap in fleece blankets and cuddle with feathery kisses. Three times I have felt this sacred hush. What it means to introduce a child to the world outside, a world which can be hard and cold and harsh and cruel. A fleeting foretaste while still safe in mother's arms of what it will mean for them to brave the beyond. Three times I have welcomed this same invitation. To remember that what is hard can also be holy. The book is here. The hard part should be over. The dreaming and the writing and the editing and the … [Read more...] about the hard and the holy
seeing stars in sunlight
"The word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision...He brought him outside and said, 'Look toward heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them.' Then he said to him, 'So shall your descendants be.' And he believed the Lord; and the Lord reckoned it to him as righteousness." ~ 1st reading for the 2nd Sunday in Lent I always thought Abram was staring up into a dark night sky, dazzled with stars-as-descendants, breathing in cold crisp air as he tried to believe the impossible for a childless man of his age. Turns out I was wrong. Read the rest closely. The sun sets later, as the story slips into Act Two of the fateful covenant, as Abram and God seal the deal over a nighttime sacrifice and a burning torch of hope in the darkness. So the day was likely still bright and blazing when an aging Abram was first asked to trust in stars he could not see. I'm deeply grateful to Ignatian Spirituality's Just Parenting blog for this insight that turned this Sunday's Scripture … [Read more...] about seeing stars in sunlight
