Complicated Joy

pregnancy complicated joy

For all of the beauty found in celebrating the liturgical year, I find that marking milestones by these holy seasons and rituals has a tendency to make whatever experience that much more intense and emotional for me. Pregnancy announcements during Advent—potent. Witnessing conversion and Baptism at Easter Vigil—stick a fork in me. Gifts of selflessness…

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A Prayer for Miscarriage

a prayer for miscarriage

This prayer for miscarriage is featured in the book Pocket Prayers for Times of Trouble (Twenty-Third Publications, 2014). God of comfort, you who are mother and father of us all, hear my anguish at the loss of my child. My heart and body are broken, wracked with pain and grief. Let me bring you my cries and my confusion, my anger…

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the spiritual side of pregnancy after loss

pregnancy after loss

Pregnancy after the loss of a baby – following miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death – is a daunting prospect.  From a distance I used to think “trying again” or “having another baby” must be a happy, hopeful, healing part of parenthood. (File this away under “Things I Didn’t Really Understand Until They Happened to Me.”)…

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how to talk to parents after their child died

Many readers have asked me how to talk to a friend or relative who lost a baby. What to say? What not to say? How to start? I know it’s daunting. All parties involved – especially the parents – wish the conversation never existed in the first place. But it’s so important to talk about death.…

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the trash tells the story

miscarriage story

A month ago I ran into a friend as we were both rushing into church from the whipping winter wind. She held the door for me, and I sprinted inside, breathing steam. As we shivered in the entryway, trying to warm up, she said, “Oh! I meant to tell you – I read your book. I…

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for all our children. tonight and always

pregnancy infant loss remembrance day

This post was supposed to be about children. All weekend I had these wonderful thoughts running through my head. About how much I adore the age of four: how he appears in our doorway in the dark dawn hour, hair tousled from sleep, beloved seahorse cradled in his arm, ready to climb in bed with…

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the gossamer veil

Spring. I remember standing in the window of our new bedroom, staring out across lush green trees to glimpse the sparkling lake across the street. The clouds were cream and billowy in the sweet blue sky, and I caught my breath to think I could wake up to such loveliness every morning. And then I…

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on carrying and missing

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We’d planned it perfectly. A baby in early spring, before work got too busy and the summer too hot. The worst of the morning sickness would be passed in time for the holidays, and I could curl up on the couch for football season in the fall when…

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