Three times I have held this moment. A baby in my arms, round-cheeked and solemn-eyed, stretching out his chubby hand towards an ice-cold window, swirls of first snow gusting just beyond the glass. Three times I have watched. Pudgy fingers smudging up against the pane, leaving a breath of fogged fingerprints behind. Brow furrowing, steady eyes silently wondering what is this? Cold and hard are not the usual domain of babies, the newest ones whose softest skin we wrap in fleece blankets and cuddle with feathery kisses. Three times I have felt this sacred hush. What it means to introduce a child to the world outside, a world which can be hard and cold and harsh and cruel. A fleeting foretaste while still safe in mother's arms of what it will mean for them to brave the beyond. Three times I have welcomed this same invitation. To remember that what is hard can also be holy. The book is here. The hard part should be over. The dreaming and the writing and the editing and the … [Read more...] about the hard and the holy
memory
the taste of memory
We celebrated both boys' baptism anniversaries a few weeks back. (Now you know why I've had baptism on the brain so much lately.) Their days are only a fortnight apart, so in the blur of busy schedules we set aside a single night to celebrate and remember. As I was setting the table for their special dinner, my son snatched his baptism candle out of its holder and playfully held it in front of his mouth as if to bite. Coyly offering one of his beloved kidisms, he teased: "Does it taste?" He offers this phrase about anything he knows he's not supposed to eat, as he watches his younger brother jam everything into his mouth. No, we shake our heads - books and crayons and blocks and chalk do not taste. Food is the only thing that tastes. But as I smiled and chided him with the response he craved, I caught the half-truth in my words. Dinner and dessert were not the only things that night that would taste. The anniversaries we celebrated tasted, too. The chew of communion bread before the … [Read more...] about the taste of memory
