When we were dating, then engaged, then married, I used to catch a glimpse of him and think—God, please send us daughters. Because I had never met a man like him, so strong and gentle all at once, so humble and quietly confident, so genuinely kind and caring. I watched how he treated his mother, his sister, his friends, and me. And I knew—with all the women who suffer father wounds, who never learn that they deserve to be treated with respect by every single man they meet—that we were meant to have daughters. That he would be so good to them. That he would leave such a legacy of love to build them up for a world driven to diminish their worth. Then God gave us a boy. And another. And another. Then we were going to have two girls—two!—but they went home to God as quickly as they were here. And then we had another boy. Now we are having another son. I realized I was wrong about raising daughters. Not that it wouldn’t have been amazing, … [Read more...] about another, again, anew
marriage
what love looks like now
I had just thrown up when the doorbell rang. I wiped my mouth clean and pulled the door open to let February chill rush inside. "Laura?" asked the stranger. "Have a good day." He handed me a hulking bouquet, plastic wrapped against the wind. "Ooo, Mama!" chirped the small boy at my knees. "Those are beautiful! Let's open them!" Roses red as blood spilled their scent across the kitchen as I unwound the plastic bags, my pregnant belly pressed against the counter. I read the typed card on the tall plastic fork and it made me laugh, private jokes still funny after years and years. This is what love looks like now. . . . A decade of marriage has slipped behind us, only a fifth of the beads on a rosary chain. A small handful of mysteries. At turns joyful, sorrowful, glorious, luminous. We know each other better than we know anyone else on this rocky planet. The deep body knowing that comes from years of sharing sheets and silverware and the same strange sense of … [Read more...] about what love looks like now
and yes i said yes i will yes
Ten years ago we started being married. It is the vow that started our vocation. But what does it mean when a vow becomes an everyday verb? When a calling is shared as a single story? When we think about a wedding, we often think about a beginning. A clean slate for a new couple. An untraveled road stretching out before them. But there were endings that day, too. The end of family units as they once were, now learning to embrace another member. The end of two single lives, now braided together to become a new creation. We have chosen this person, and not another. We are making this decision, and not another. All of these beginnings and endings will change us. Forever. This is what callings do. . . . Last week I read When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. To be honest, I read it in two days. I could not put it down. It is the story of a neurosurgeon diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer when he was 36 years old. It is the memoir of a masterful writer. It is a poetic … [Read more...] about and yes i said yes i will yes
for better and for worse
I wanted every day to be that perfect. I did. Who wouldn't? The sky was impossibly blue, the cottony clouds perfectly plump. The sun was warm and sweet. The lilies in my mother's garden were in full bloom. The church pews were lined with beaming friends and family, just as the laughing dance floor would be packed later that night. The music was beautiful, the readings were perfect, the sacrament was shimmering. Most of all it was him. He was the best person I knew. He was beyond what I had hoped to find in a husband. He was my partner in everything that mattered most. He was the reason that day was perfect. When I looked around the reception later that evening, I remember thinking this looked like heaven. Everyone we loved, gathered in the same room, together for an instant. And the two of us, on the edge of everything that awaited us. It could not get better. . . . If you suspect this is going to take a sharp turn south, you're right. If you assume this is going to trudge out … [Read more...] about for better and for worse
