He goes in to look at them. Every night before we shut the door to our bedroom and declare the day done, he goes to see the sleeping boys. Too often I play the part of the tired mother. I have been with them all day. I do not feel the need to watch again, especially now that they are finally peaceful, finally quiet. Sleep is sacred, besides. Some days I am counting the minutes until this moment. When the house is hushed and I can hear myself think. So I am not naturally drawn to join him. Most nights I let him go alone as I turn down the hallway to our room. I crave the calm and rest that beckons beyond the bedroom door. Sleep is calling my name. But once in a while I join him. I do not know why I decide differently, but I do. I turn from my well-worn ways and set down the laundry basket or the laptop or the pile of books I have lugged upstairs. I follow him silently into their room. . . . Everything looks grainy in the dimmed dark. I hover over each bed, holding my … [Read more...] about see what you have done. know that it is good.
He's 10,000 miles away tonight. When I finally get him on the phone, I'm a blubbering mess. After a week apart and two more to go, I didn't yet want to wave the white flag of defeat, but it was such a tough day - too little sleep, too many messes, two little boys with cranky tempers and only one of me, all day long. Eloquence fails when nerves run this raw: I suck at flying solo. But the truth was, we'd had so many good days this week: such delight at summer adventuring with my boys, discovering new parks and playgrounds, meeting up with lots of friends to fill our time as a trio. Which is why the spiral downward - from a difficult morning to a disastrous afternoon to a don't-ever-need-to-revisit-this evening - sank even deeper after enjoying such heights. C'est la vie, of course, these rolling ups and downs, how life with littles whiplashes from one extreme to the next in a matter of minutes. I shouldn't have been surprised. And yet what did surprise me was how quickly his … [Read more...] about father’s day from far away