He goes in to look at them. Every night before we shut the door to our bedroom and declare the day done, he goes to see the sleeping boys. Too often I play the part of the tired mother. I have been with them all day. I do not feel the need to watch again, especially now that they are finally peaceful, finally quiet. Sleep is sacred, besides. Some days I am counting the minutes until this moment. When the house is hushed and I can hear myself think. So I am not naturally drawn to join him. Most nights I let him go alone as I turn down the hallway to our room. I crave the calm and rest that beckons beyond the bedroom door. Sleep is calling my name. But once in a while I join him. I do not know why I decide differently, but I do. I turn from my well-worn ways and set down the laundry basket or the laptop or the pile of books I have lugged upstairs. I follow him silently into their room. . . . Everything looks grainy in the dimmed dark. I hover over each bed, holding my … [Read more...] about see what you have done. know that it is good.
fatherhood
a litany for father’s day
God of love, Today we ask your blessing on all who give their lives with a father’s love. Bless new fathers and wise grandfathers. Bless loving uncles and caring godfathers. Bless fathers who await the birth of their child with joy. Bless men who did not expect or want to become fathers. Bless men who embrace fatherhood through adoption or foster parenting, remarriage or single parenthood. Bless men still waiting and hoping to become fathers. Bless fathers whose work takes them away from their children. Bless fathers whose work is with their children. Bless fathers whose lives are shaped by war, poverty, or violence. Bless fathers who work for peace, freedom, and justice. Bless teachers and mentors who serve as father figures. Bless priests and ministers who lead as loving parents. Bless men who are separated from their children, by force or choice. Bless families without fathers and all who love in abundance in their absence. Bless fathers who have … [Read more...] about a litany for father’s day
father’s day from far away
He's 10,000 miles away tonight. When I finally get him on the phone, I'm a blubbering mess. After a week apart and two more to go, I didn't yet want to wave the white flag of defeat, but it was such a tough day - too little sleep, too many messes, two little boys with cranky tempers and only one of me, all day long. Eloquence fails when nerves run this raw: I suck at flying solo. But the truth was, we'd had so many good days this week: such delight at summer adventuring with my boys, discovering new parks and playgrounds, meeting up with lots of friends to fill our time as a trio. Which is why the spiral downward - from a difficult morning to a disastrous afternoon to a don't-ever-need-to-revisit-this evening - sank even deeper after enjoying such heights. C'est la vie, of course, these rolling ups and downs, how life with littles whiplashes from one extreme to the next in a matter of minutes. I shouldn't have been surprised. And yet what did surprise me was how quickly his … [Read more...] about father’s day from far away
celebrating fathering spirits
Every year at Father's Day, I find myself frustrated with Hallmark. Why, you ask? Not because they have clearly manufactured this holiday, like so many others, as an opportunity to give gifts and cards. Not because they start plastering the stores with loud signs trumpeting its arrival the instant Mother's Day ends. But because apparently neither of the most important fathers in my life - my own and my children's - fit Hallmark's stereotype of what fathers are like. And thus it becomes nearly impossible to find a meaningful (and even funny?) card for men whose personalities and interests do not fall into the following categories: burping drinking beer playing golf hogging the remote control farting ogling women mowing the lawn I find myself growing depressed as I search the card racks. Is this the image we've created of fathering in our country today? Is this what we want to celebrate each June? And we wonder at the state of our marriages, our families? So … [Read more...] about celebrating fathering spirits
