Before we lost our twin daughters after birth two years ago - suddenly, tragically, publicly - there was another loss. Smaller. Earlier. Quieter. Five years ago we lost a baby to miscarriage. I wrote about this loss here and in my book Everyday Sacrament. Miscarriage was devastating. It upheaved what we knew about parenting. How we expected things would (naturally) go according to (our) plans. How much more we've learned since then. Today is the due date of the baby we never got to hold. April 7th comes and goes silently each year, a ghost of an anniversary. But this year we get to fill today with hope. An announcement of new life all its own. At the end of 2016, Our Sunday Visitor approached me and my husband about writing a book on miscarriage. After all that I'd written about grief, would we consider writing a book on loss for couples - as a couple? Few Catholic resources exist on miscarriage, and the literature on loss is almost all written for women. … [Read more...] about Grieving Together: a book on miscarriage for couples
family
come, the still-joys
He laughs now, this rolling plump of a babe. Chortles like a chuckling gentleman when I tickle under his chin. The laughter is intoxicating; we are all addicted. His doting brothers swarm the changing table for a chance to coax out another. In the instant when his round eyes brighten and his soft mouth opens to laugh, I am swept inside. Everything becomes this moment: joy that totalizes. As soon as the moment evaporates, I come back to present and realize: Once upon a time I did not believe I would feel the pure shine of happiness again. What grace of a second chance. What gift from grief. The still-joys. . . . The world is a wasteland, again and always. If you only trust the headlines and the handwringers. Meanwhile most of us go on, quietly doing the unnoticed work that underpins everything. Emails and deadlines. Laundry and dishes. Building and mending. Helping and forgiving. My mother used to tell me that every generation was convinced it was the … [Read more...] about come, the still-joys
announcing…
Here's the big announcement I've been saving. In case you missed it in the brand-new Mothering Spirit newsletter, I have two new e-books available for you and yours: Prayers for Pregnancy was born from the prayers that bring so many to Mothering Spirit. I never expected how the prayers I wrote (when I couldn't find pregnancy prayers that I loved) would resonate with readers, but it has been such a humbling gift to journey with expectant parents through their hopes and fears of welcoming a child. I've always dreamed of writing a bigger book of prayers for pregnancy and birth, but I decided it was time to create something that could be shared right now with those of you who have asked for more resources for pregnancy. Now you can get all the prayers together - plus lots of brand-new additions - in one e-book! This new collection of Prayers for Pregnancy includes: prayers for each month of pregnancy blessings for first-time moms, moms of many kids, and mothers of multiples … [Read more...] about announcing…
the grit and the glamour
Before I had children, I had a hazy image of life with kids. I don't think I idealized it as pure ease and smooth delight, but the montage of pictures that would flash through my mind looked much more like parenting's "best of" reel. Taking them to the playground on sunlit afternoons. Chasing them laughing before bath time. Cuddling up on the couch with favorite books. Watching them learn to ride a bike. Spinning them around the dance floor at family weddings. My movie montage still sneaks into my head in nostalgic moments. I know exactly why our memories choose to cement the best-of as hard truth. Because the grit which grinds through most of our days is not what keeps us going. It's the glamour. I saw this desire in spades on social media in the days leading up to Christmas and New Year's. Pictures of grinning cherubs in matching Sunday best. Families gathered beneath twinkling trees. Perfect holiday dinner spreads and champagne toasts. No one shows the screaming toddler … [Read more...] about the grit and the glamour
