In the years since our twin daughters died, I've shared in this space some of what helped me grieve. Scripture, of course. Community, in the church and among parents who have experienced loss like ours. Prayer, at turns angry, sorrowful, empty, or hopeful. What I've never written about is poetry. On my computer and in my filing cabinet, I keep (giant, growing) folders of poetry that I love. Every time I come across a poem that clutches the core of me, I tuck it there. Essays and novels and memoirs I can read by the dozen, and I do, and they change me. But poetry stays with me longer than anything else. After Maggie and Abby died, I started a new collection of poetry. For me, for grief. A few that friends and strangers sent to me or tucked into sympathy cards. Many that I found myself, unbidden. Some that I rediscovered, now knowing what they meant. I poured through books of grief poetry, gut-grateful for others who knew the healing power of words. But I also needed to … [Read more...] about the power of poetry (when words pale)
current events
how to talk to kids about hard truths
When your children encounter death in a personal way, you cannot protect them from pain. You can consult experts. You can rehearse what to say. You can pray for guidance. But eventually you have to sit down and have hard conversations. Over the years, we've had more conversations about death and grief with our kids than I care to count. But today when I hear our children talk naturally about death and heaven, I realize that we have done them a great service in having difficult conversations. They are conversant about loss and grief at age-appropriate levels. They are unafraid to ask big questions about God and faith. They know they can bring us any emotion without fear or shame. Of course, such tough topics were not tackled in a single evening. We have fumbled through many rounds of questions, wishing we could move on to safer, smoother subjects. But we knew the hard conversations had to happen. Today in the Catholic Church, parents are wondering how to talk with their kids, … [Read more...] about how to talk to kids about hard truths
holy anger
I'm mad. Spitting mad. Irate, outraged, furious, frustrated, livid, fuming. Angry doesn't have enough synonyms to sum up the fury I feel at the most recent sex abuse scandals to shake the Catholic Church. I can heap adjective upon adjective, yet everything falls flat in the face of depraved evil and systemic injustice. The men who perpetrated such heinous crimes and the men who covered them up have made a mockery of the church I love. I cannot stay silent. In the weeks since the news broke, nearly every Catholic I know has struggled to digest and respond to the sickening scope of evil in our midst. But when I turned to Scripture for help and hope, what I found was clear. Holy anger. "Putting away falsehood, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil." (Ephesians 4:25-27) This Scripture leapt off the page on the night I read the … [Read more...] about holy anger
when the hurricane hits
Last week we watched Irma, that swirling monster of a storm, with twisted stomachs and sick hearts. Friends we love live in Florida. We wanted them to be safe, their homes to stay dry, their schools and workplaces untouched. We read their anxious updates, prayed for protection, watched the weather forecast. It looked like the worst was coming. And then the storm turned. Everyone we know is ok. I am deeply grateful for this fact. And I am secretly jealous. Because this is the path I thought our story would take. It looks bad, it’s looking worse, dear God it looks absolutely horri – oh wait! Everything is fine. He came through surgery. Her chemo shrunk the tumor. They were able to have a baby. He didn’t end up on that plane. No one was home when the tree fell. The doctor was wrong. She beat the odds. Rehab worked. His job was safe. The driver swerved. Their twins survived. Instead, our hurricane gained strength. It swirled and churned and everyone prayed and prayed … [Read more...] about when the hurricane hits
