We are the weird ones. We sign names of the dead on Christmas cards. We hang their photos on our walls. We count them in our family when strangers ask at the grocery store. We tattoo their memory on our skin. We know you may think this is strange. We are trying to tell you a secret. It is the truth we learned the hardest way. It is the other side that changed everything we knew. And today is one of our handful of holy days. Today in the Catholic Church we remember the faithful departed. Which is a fancy way of saying God's beloved. All the souls that came from God and returned to God, changing lives in whatever span of time they passed through this earth of here and now. All Souls' Day is the quiet cousin to All Saints, the overlooked neighbor next to the feast of fanfare. Almost an afterthought - if it did not hold the secret to everything. Which is that we hold within us the promise of eternity. The truth is so quiet that noise clamors to drown it out and despair … [Read more...] about for all our souls
child loss
how to talk to parents after their child died
Many readers have asked me how to talk to a friend or relative who lost a baby. What to say? What not to say? How to start? I know it's daunting. All parties involved - especially the parents - wish the conversation never existed in the first place. But it's so important to talk about death. It's the only way the living keep going. So today I'm turning the table and letting my readers write. When I asked for input on Mothering Spirit's Facebook page about how to talk to parents after their child died, readers shared many helpful tips. Their wisdom speaks for itself, and I hope their words can help guide your conversations. Their #1 suggestion? Say something. Don't keep silent. We need to know we're not alone in our grief, and you can give us this gift. Speak their name. "When someone outside of our immediate circle says their names, it truly brings joy to my heart! It helps so much that they are remembered by others." - Jenn Remember the … [Read more...] about how to talk to parents after their child died
where faith lodges
We spent a weekend at Faith's Lodge on a retreat for grieving families. A place of healing tucked in Wisconsin's woods, built by one broken-hearted couple to share with others. We canoed, painted, and played together. Laughed around the campfire. Hiked through hills and fields. Walked the labyrinth over and over. What caught me were the stories. They were thick around this place. Tucked into crevices of trees. Left along the lines of the labyrinth. Grouped in clusters in the garden. Every heart held a child's story, a family's love, a legacy reaching beyond death. Faith lodges in the stories. The only thing I can read lately is Scripture. That makes me sound like a holy roller, but I feel the furthest thing from it. It's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. After our daughters died, I poured through more death-and-dying memoirs in six months than any sane person should safely read. (Short list of reviews? This is … [Read more...] about where faith lodges
how to help after someone loses a baby
Allow me to embarrass some of my nearest and dearest. (What's the good of being a blogger if you can't do that once in a while?) Let me tell you how my best friends from college have cared for us since Maggie and Abby died. Every single month - read that again: every. single. month. - on the girls' birthday, they have sent our family a surprise. Food delivered from a delicious bakery. Roses for our garden. Orchids that lasted for months. Gift cards to take our kids out to dinner. Gift cards to take ourselves out to dinner (sans kids!). The thing about such steady and faithful friends is I can already hear them rolling their eyes and telling me it was nothing; of course they wanted to do something; no big deal. But the truth is: it was everything to us. It was a huge deal. When people remember you, when they reach out, when they keep carrying you through the darkest moments - you never forget. These women were already carved on my soul after decades of friendship, but … [Read more...] about how to help after someone loses a baby
