One month ago, I was in the hospital. The same hospital where my baby girls were born four years earlier. The same hospital where they each died in my arms, days later. One month ago, I was holding our newborn son. The same baby I pleaded to God to keep safe as I spent day after day, week after week, in the hospital with preeclampsia. The same baby who wasn't due to be born until this week. By the time I left the hospital for good, my world had been turned upside down. We had a premature baby in the back seat. We had spent the anniversaries of our daughters' deaths in grief's ground zero. We had left our lives uprooted, torn away from home and work without warning. I couldn't make sense of how birth and death had broken me open all over again. It felt like too much to process, on top of a scary delivery and a slow recovery that left my heart literally sick. But even then, I had no idea what was coming next. None of us did. . . . What seems like a lifetime ago, … [Read more...] about a month that changed the world
As soon as you announce that a new baby has arrived and it's a boy/girl, one question immediately follows: What's the name? We ask the question even before we ask about baby's stats (height/weight/length?) or current status (mom & baby doing well?) or arrival details (how did labor go?). We like to react to the choice of a name, and we love to hear stories behind their selection. We know names matter. So when it came time to share our new baby's name with family and friends, I thought back to a chapter in my book where I write about names and calling. How the gift of a child's name can call them forth into a hope, a faith, a dream of what they might become. Whether named after a beloved relative or a famous leader or a biblical figure, a child who is blessed with a story behind their name can carry their story with them as they grow. Since I started blogging 4 years (!) ago, I've always held back on sharing my children's names here. For all the usual internet concerns about … [Read more...] about introducing…all three!
He picked it up over Thanksgiving, the inevitable result of spending the week with two older cousins he adores. All their echoes of "Mommy" must have kept ringing in his head long after the plane touched back down in snowy Minnesota, because ever since then I've been "Mommy," too. And it takes some getting used to. I never meant to be anti-Mommy. It's what I remember calling my own mom in my earliest memory, so of course it's a name filled with love. But when it came time to babble at my own babies, Mama came more naturally. Maybe it was all those Romance languages bubbling around in my head, with their lilting "a"s and their sharing of these most basic words in every tongue. Maybe it was because its two-syllable cadence closely mirrored my own first name, and I could adjust more easily to the title (and the idea) of motherhood when it reflected what I knew best. Or maybe it was because it echoed my babies' own first words, the mouths of little ones full of repeating sounds that … [Read more...] about from mama to mommy