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the best question anyone could have asked

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | June 5, 2017

With laughter from the party still ringing in my ears, I headed toward the coat rack, hoping to grab my jacket and slip quietly away into the early evening cool to make it home before dark. But just as I reached the door, he turned and caught my eye. We smiled. Who can resist the…

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leaving behind limbo

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | May 8, 2017

I have two items on my to-do list that I can’t get done: Order gravestone. Buy car seat. Every week they stare back at me blankly from my planner. Five simple words. One phone call to make. One purchase to click. Every week I turn away. I can’t tackle either one. (Yet.) Both must get…

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Everyday Sacrament by Laura Kelly Fanucci

5 favorite books on motherhood

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | May 1, 2017

This post contains affiliate links. May means Mother’s Day. I’ve written before about the complicated nature of this holiday (and the need to remember all kinds of mothers on Mother’s Day). But it remains a beautiful time to celebrate the women who have mothered us—and the mothers that many of us are becoming. In honor…

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what it means to outlive

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | April 7, 2017

On the morning of my 22nd birthday, I woke disoriented. It was no youthful hangover. Not the tiring drag of gazing out onto another gloomy day of Indiana grey. No. I felt strangely lost. Adrift and unmoored. I had outlived him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Grief was woven into the fabric of…

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4 books on grief you’ll actually love

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | April 3, 2017

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. Trust me on these. I know, I know – I joke to my husband that over the past year, this blog morphed into “vaguely poetic reflections on life and death.” (I still scratch my head that anyone else wants to read along, but I’m so grateful you’re here!) But…

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was it a holy week?

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | March 3, 2017

This week we remembered the anniversaries of Maggie and Abby’s births and deaths. As I journeyed through the three days, a brutal triduum, I began to see how deepest grief can take the shape of the paschal mystery. Dying and rising. As the first year after loss ends, I find myself turning toward new directions.…

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what love looks like now

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | February 14, 2017

I had just thrown up when the doorbell rang. I wiped my mouth clean and pulled the door open to let February chill rush inside. “Laura?” asked the stranger. “Have a good day.” He handed me a hulking bouquet, plastic wrapped against the wind. “Ooo, Mama!” chirped the small boy at my knees. “Those are…

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the world is never ready

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | January 30, 2017

“How can you choose to have a child now?” She asked me honestly, the way a wise and good friend can. We’d spent half of dinner talking about how the world is spinning mad, careening out of control. And then she leaned over the table in flickering candlelight and asked me – me sitting there nauseous,…

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the journey of the magi (one year)

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | January 6, 2017

‘A cold coming we had of it, Just the worst time of the year For a journey, and such a long journey: The ways deep and the weather sharp, The very dead of winter.’ One year ago was when everything started to go wrong with our twins. When the worst-case scenario became the present-day reality. When…

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the homecoming

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | November 21, 2016

He stands at the top of the stairs, bare feet dancing in dinosaur pajamas. His bright eyes meet my own as I climb. His face beams with delight, blue stars flashing with brimming joy. MAMA! He shrieks with joy. MAMA! You are HERE! He tips his head backward, golden curls bouncing with glee. He laughs with bliss, bursts…

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what i learned from 2016

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | November 16, 2016

I planned on this post for year’s end. But I decided to share now. Because something tells me I’m not alone.  1. Grief is transformative.  Loss is exhausting, unrelenting, unraveling. Every explosion of worst rushes to the surface, and you are forced to stare at the wreckage that is turned reality: hope evaporating, best-laid plans crumbling to…

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for all our souls

By Laura Kelly Fanucci | November 2, 2016

We are the weird ones. We sign names of the dead on Christmas cards. We hang their photos on our walls. We count them in our family when strangers ask at the grocery store. We tattoo their memory on our skin. We know you may think this is strange. We are trying to tell you a…

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