It wasn't supposed to be like this. We'd planned it perfectly. A baby in early spring, before work got too busy and the summer too hot. The worst of the morning sickness would be passed in time for the holidays, and I could curl up on the couch for football season in the fall when exhaustion set in. We'd have a few months to get the boys adjusted to our addition before the oldest went off to kindergarten, and then I'd have just two at home again. Perfect. Of course, in hindsight I see the hubris of thinking we were in control, of micromanaging the most mysterious realities in our lives. We struck out boldly into the prospect of baby #3, assuming that we'd frontloaded our share of heartache on the infertility side of parenting. But pain and loss know no quota. There was never any divine promise that suffering could be skipped over. Only that we will be companioned the whole way through. . . . It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was early in the pregnancy, far enough along for us … [Read more...] about on carrying and missing
everyday parenting as spiritual practice
