Grieving Together: a book on miscarriage for couples

Before we lost our twin daughters after birth two years ago – suddenly, tragically, publicly – there was another loss.

Smaller. Earlier. Quieter.

Five years ago we lost a baby to miscarriage. I wrote about this loss here and in my book Everyday Sacrament.

Miscarriage was devastating. It upheaved what we knew about parenting. How we expected things would (naturally) go according to (our) plans.

How much more we’ve learned since then.

Today is the due date of the baby we never got to hold. April 7th comes and goes silently each year, a ghost of an anniversary.

But this year we get to fill today with hope. An announcement of new life all its own.

At the end of 2016, Our Sunday Visitor approached me and my husband about writing a book on miscarriage. After all that I’d written about grief, would we consider writing a book on loss for couples – as a couple?

Few Catholic resources exist on miscarriage, and the literature on loss is almost all written for women. Clearly there was a calling here: to speak to the grief of mothers and fathers together.

So we said yes.

For the past year we’ve been working on this book together (Lord have mercy, a journey all itself!). We’re close to finished, and I find my prayers turning from help us get this written to may it serve the couples who need it.

And today we’re ready to share the news with you.

Grieving Together: A Couple’s Journey through Miscarriage is a companion through the common questions, crises, and grief that arise after miscarriage. We invited many couples to share their real-life stories in the book: first-time parents, multiple miscarriages, unplanned pregnancies, and miscarriage without living children.

The book gathers Catholic resources including Scripture, saints, official rites, prayers, and theological teaching that speaks to the toughest questions surrounding the loss of a child: Why did God let this happen? Is our baby in heaven? How could this suffering be part of God’s plan?

We wanted to make Grieving Together a helpful, hopeful guide that grieving parents could use individually or together. So the chapters range from practical to theological:

    • help for the first days and weeks after miscarriage
    • perspectives on how mothers and fathers grieve differently
    • ways to navigate common cliches about miscarriage
    • prayers for when you struggle to find the words
    • creative ideas to honor the life of your child
    • times to remember your baby throughout the church year
    • hope for your marriage and future after loss

While miscarriage is the main focus, the book speaks to stillbirth and infant loss as well. It draws deeply from the Catholic tradition, with the hope that all who have experienced miscarriage will find comfort within its pages.

We also hope that it will be a resource for priests, parish ministers, hospital chaplains, and other professionals who seek to support grieving parents.

It’s the book we wish we would have had after our miscarriage. It’s the book we hope will comfort other couples and let them know they are never alone—and that their babies will never be forgotten.

Our prayer is that if you need it, you will find your story in its pages.

Today we remember, in a quiet way, the baby we never got to hold. This book is for that little one – and for all of you who loved us through.

Grieving Together: A Couple’s Journey through Miscarriage will be released in fall 2018 from Our Sunday Visitor. Sign up for my newsletter for more details!

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  1. nazeba moses on 15 May 2018 at 2:16 am

    Laura,thanks for the work, this is Moses,pray for me and my dear wife phoebe to conceive in this month.we have stayed together for almost fours without a baby but with Ur i hope God is gonna answer our prayers

  2. Sarah Brown on 13 April 2018 at 10:06 am

    Laura, your blogs have been an amazing resource, as my husband & I have journeyed through the toughest 5 years of our lives with 7 miscarriages. The emotional pain and finding it difficult to speak openly with others about it has been so hard. Circumstances like this could have pulled my husband & I apart, but we thank God, it has actually made us much stronger. Your blog has been an amazing resource and very helpful, through those very difficult times. Thank you so much for you and your husband for giving of yourselves and sharing so openly, to help and bless others especially from a couples perspective. God has truly birthed something wonderful in you both. Thank you!

    • motheringspirit on 29 April 2018 at 11:39 am

      Thank you so much, Sarah. Praying hard for you!

  3. Patty on 9 April 2018 at 3:00 pm

    I am so excited for you and your husband to do this project together! I am interested in the idea of this being written from both a husband and wife perspective; especially since a lot of these books I have seen are written from a female perspective. I know your words collectively bless many couples!

  4. Jennifer on 9 April 2018 at 1:10 pm

    This is truly great news on many fronts! I’m an ND grad, have followed your posts for years (and they’ve been comforting through my own difficult journey), and am a marriage and family therapist with a specialty in grief and loss and fertility issues. I’ll keep an eye out for your book (please let us know when it’s officially out!) so I can draw from it in my work.

    Through your pain, God has made a birth of something new possible. Thank you for being an instrument of His.



  5. Kellie on 7 April 2018 at 2:09 pm

    I’m so happy for your “yes” to this. We lost Clare Therese to miscarriage almost two years ago. I still think of her and Lily every single day. I never expected the impact of her loss to hit me so hard, especially after what we went through with Lily, but it did. And I think it’s because of the silence. I felt like I could openly miss Lily, but with Clare, I grieved silently and hard. The year after losing her was the hardest and loneliest year I ever had.

    I can’t wait to read this and as much as I wish no ever would “need” this, I’m grateful that it will be there for so many of us that do. 🙂

  6. Tara on 7 April 2018 at 12:48 pm

    This book sounds like a wonderful resource. I wish it would have been around a few years ago when we lost three babies, two in the first trimester and one in the second. I really struggled and could have used a resource like this, especially from a Catholic view. We lost a son shortly before you lost your daughters. Many of your blog posts helped me and I am so thankful to have found this blog. I know this will help many couples. Thank you for the insight you bring to this topic!!

  7. Marsha Partington on 7 April 2018 at 9:26 am

    what a difference you are making in the world. Thank you for helping others to heal by opening your heart and sharing your hurts.

  8. Sarah on 7 April 2018 at 9:12 am

    This sounds great. We lost our first baby to miscarriage over 6 years ago now. I looked everywhere for Catholic resources and there weren’t any. I myself started writing a miscarriage book too but it has been on the back burner with raising kids. Now I want to work on it and get it out there!

  9. Ann on 7 April 2018 at 7:42 am

    Wow Laura! How wonderful of you and Franco to give so much of yourselves, so that others can receive help during such a difficult time. God bless you and your lovely family! Keep up all the great work:)

  10. Claire on 7 April 2018 at 7:05 am

    Is there any discussion about adopting after miscarriage (with no live bio children)? That has been our journey: two miscarriages (one early and one miscarriage of identical twins at the end of the first trimester, followed by adoption and no subsequent pregnancies, so obviously no live births). The paradox of grieving for our miscarried babies while celebrating our son who we never would have adopted had our twins survived is something that is wish us always. I would have loved to have contributed to this book, or read about couples who have had a journey similar to ours.

    • motheringspirit on 7 April 2018 at 9:01 am

      Claire, you’ve got my wheels turning. Emailing you now!

      • Claire on 7 April 2018 at 9:03 am

        Awesome; thanks Laura!

    • Kellie on 7 April 2018 at 2:12 pm

      We started the journey of foster care after losing two of our children. In and of itself it’s filled with lots of emotions, but mostly that if my other children were here, these babies wouldn’t be with us. I definitely know the ups and downs of these emotions too.

      • Claire on 7 April 2018 at 2:25 pm

        It’s so hard to reconcile those conflicting feelings sometimes, isn’t it?

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