an update on the twins

Stable abnormal. (I joke that most of us live this way, right?)

That’s the latest status with the twins. Doctors still aren’t sure what’s going on with their situation, why their blood flows aren’t normal but aren’t yet impacting their development.

It makes no sense. There is nothing like hearing these half-frustrating, half-comforting words from a different doctor every week.

My husband joked at last week’s appointment that at least we’re contributing to science with all this baffling data we’re contributing. With a sympathetic shrug, the perinatologist admitted he was right. Nothing like being the medical mystery of the moment.

Experts keep reminding us that 80% of mono-di twins (our identical kind that share a placenta) are born healthy. They just have no way of knowing whether we’ll fall into the 80%. Or the other 20%. And serious complications can arise up until the very end.

So for now, they are stable. We are holding our breaths. Taking it one abnormal week at a time. The closer we get to their viability – and the longer they keep baking in the proverbial oven – the better. We keep hoping for the best. Keep showing up for the weekly ultrasounds. Keep counting down days.

Hundreds of you have been amazing about praying and supporting our family through this twisting roller coaster. So I wanted to keep you updated: that your prayers are making a difference and that we are touched by every single one of your emails, notes, cards, and messages.

I’ve never felt so physically carried by prayer before in my life. It has brought me deep peace of mind during an anxious time. It has also taught me something strange and mysterious about the communion of saints, something I can’t quite put into words yet.

And it has humbled me beyond whatever I thought I knew.

Since this blog became Google’s #1 site for prayers for pregnancy (?!) I’ve been flooded with daily prayer requests from parents hoping to conceive and mothers searching for support during pregnancy. Honestly I can’t even keep up. I wrote all these prayers for pregnancy, and they get shared all over, and seekers come here, and I feel like I should have something Wise and Important to say to them about God’s love and presence while waiting and hurting and hoping for a child.

But now everything I know about prayer and pregnancy is getting turned upside down and inside out. Wilder and deeper and truer than I ever glimpsed before.

(It’s probably a good thing I’m nowhere near finishing that book of prayers for pregnancy.**)

So I’m simply resting in a place of gratefulness right now.

Grateful for all of your prayers. Grateful for two babies who kick and squirm and steal my sleep. Grateful for stable abnormal and every week we get to wait before doing any risky interventions. Grateful for God who holds us all in hope. Grateful for everyone who is carrying us along.

. . .

I’m also grateful it’s almost Lent – and that so many of you are joining our Scripture study and online community for Waiting in the Word for Lent. This season’s quiet is inviting me to sit still amidst these churning changes. I would not be entering into Lent with such peace or hope if it weren’t for all of you who support our work and journey with us.

** When I went back and reread the post where I “announced” the pair of books I was working on, I almost fell out of my chair. Really, I had to use the twin image?! Beware the metaphor…