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the biggest surprise of our lives…TWINS

40 Comments

We always hoped for four kids.

I can’t remember when the dream started, way back while we were still dating. Sly small conversations trying to sort out where a Significant Other stood on the Big Questions: marriage, family, faith.

He was one of four. I was one of five (four after my brother died).

We always wanted something like the same. Enough family to make life lovingly complex and delightfully chaotic.

But then came infertility. Which scrubbed us bright-faced newlyweds raw of any expectations for what a family might look like.

Just one, I used to pray late at night.

All I want is one. Please.

. . .

After a few years, a baby finally came. The answer to prayers and pleas. He was wonderful and exhausting and world-upheaving, as babies always are.

One seemed more than enough.

As a worn and weary new mom, I wondered during his first year whether we should ever try for another. If we could even have another.

But I knew those early dreams were born on solid ground. A shared foundation of faith and family. What our life together might look like.

I kept telling myself our dreams were bigger than the frustrations of the present moment. Worth whatever hard work it took to get there.

We’ll take it one baby at a time, I used to say when we had those late-night conversations about Were We Ready For Another and What Should We Do Next.

One baby at a time.

. . .

A routine ultrasound.

He almost skipped it because work got busy that morning.

But it’s always so fun to see, he said on the drive over. It’s too important to miss.

And there it was. The fuzzy blur on the grainy black and white of the sonogram machine. A tiny flickering heartbeat. Measuring right on track.

I let out the breath I’d been holding for the first few, fragile weeks. The heartbeat. I knew what that meant.

But then something else caught my eye.

What’s that?  I asked the ultrasound tech. Across from the baby? 

He squinted at the screen and leaned closer. Oh…he trailed off as his eyes widened.

That’s another heartbeat!

. . .

This pregnancy was supposed to be our last hurrah. The final chapter of our story before that looming deadline of Advanced Maternal Age.

Four kids. It would have been a handful, we knew that well. But we know newborns. We know what it means to add another baby. And we could fit one more in the car. One more at the table. It made sense. Nice and even.

It was exactly the dream we hoped for.

Then with one zoom of the sonogram machine, everything changed.

Yup, the tech nodded confidently. He started to type BABY A and BABY B on the screen while I watched in utter shock.

You’re having twins.

. . .

Jim Gaffigan has a laughable line about having four kids. Imagine you’re drowning, and then someone hands you a baby.

Now it doesn’t seem so funny. Someone’s going to hand us two babies. Identical twins. I feel like my life just became a reality TV show.

Every plan we had is changing, and all of it is out of our control.

I never planned to share this news here so early. Everyone knows you’re supposed to keep pregnancy announcements neat and tidy. Wait till twelve weeks so you don’t have to turn around and share sad news if Something Happens.

But nothing about this is neat and tidy. We need heaps of help and prayers to get through whatever comes next. And worst-case scenario, if we end up grieving again, we cannot grieve alone.

Every single day, strangers ask me to pray for their pregnancies or miscarriages or hopes for conception. Every single day, I promise I will. And because of that connection – because of the power of prayer and community, because of you faithful friends and readers who have become part of my journey through motherhood – I’m sharing this news now. In the raw and fragile and uncertain beginning.

Because I need you to get through this.

Maybe we lose the babies before we ever meet them. Maybe we lose them at birth if they arrive too early. Maybe we all come through this healthy and happy, and everyone wants to say, See? It turned out perfectly. We told you not to worry!

But no one knows how this story ends.

There is nothing more frustrating to a writer than to be trapped within a story she cannot control. Or even flip forward a few pages to sneak a peek at the next chapter. I have to plod along word by word, hour by hour, like everyone else. I have to trust that the Author of Life is the only One in control.

That truth should be no surprise. But these twins are the biggest shock of my life.

I believe that joy can come from unexpected places. And I know that nothing is impossible with God. I’m just going to need plenty of reminders to trust.

Here begins one wild ride…

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Comments

  1. Rosie says

    11 November 2015 at 7:27 am

    Oh my goodness, congratulations!!! Twins are such a crazy and amazing thing – extra prayers coming your way, and welcome to the club 🙂

    Reply
  2. Nell says

    11 November 2015 at 7:37 am

    You and F are so trusting and filled with grace that this won’t be a solitary journey! God’s got your back as do all of us with lots and loads of prayer. Love you and those babies so fiercely!!!!!

    Reply
  3. Bev says

    11 November 2015 at 7:40 am

    Congratulations on your gift of new life! I will remember you in prayer during this pregnancy, praying for strength for you guys as parents, and for health and well-being for all of you, especially those babies! Blessings!

    Reply
  4. Rita says

    11 November 2015 at 7:48 am

    Wow! Congratulations! So excited for you and your family! I will pray for all of you.

    Reply
  5. Tiphaine de Toldi says

    11 November 2015 at 7:53 am

    N’ayez pas peur ! You are not alone.
    Prayers from France

    Reply
  6. Amanda says

    11 November 2015 at 7:56 am

    Congratulations! We found out we were having twins on the Assumption in 2014! We thought, sure one more baby will be fine.. God is so funny! You are so blessed. Prayers coming your way.

    Reply
  7. Amanda says

    11 November 2015 at 7:56 am

    So excited and happy for your family!!! Prayers for the journey! Prayers for peace, joy, strength and trust! God bless!

    Reply
  8. Amy @ Motherhood and Miscellany says

    11 November 2015 at 8:01 am

    When I went for my first ultrasound for this miracle pregnancy, I knew there was a possibility there would be more than one baby, because I took fertility medications to get pregnant. The idea seemed both thrilling and absolutely terrifying! In my case, there is only one baby, with a preciously perfect little beating heart, thank God! But I felt that anxiety of the possibility. I can only imagine the shock of being completely surprised by this. You have such incredible faith, I am in awe of your story, and I will keep you and your babies and family in my prayers. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!!

    Reply
  9. Claire says

    11 November 2015 at 8:09 am

    Many congratulations and prayers! But I have to admit that I’m confused…I thought you already had three kids? So that would make 5 with twins? Obviously I must be mixing you up with another blogger.

    Reply
    • peg conway says

      11 November 2015 at 8:30 am

      Laura — WOW!!! Wishing you all the best and prayers assured for well being and strength and joy.

      Reply
    • motheringspirit says

      11 November 2015 at 10:31 am

      Thanks, Claire! Maybe I wasn’t clear (my head sure isn’t these days) – yes, we have 3 boys now, so we were planning/hoping on one last baby to make 4. Now it turns out we will have 5! God has a great sense of humor. 🙂

      Reply
      • Claire says

        11 November 2015 at 3:21 pm

        I’m sure you were clear. It’s my head that’s often unclear, and I don’t even have pregnancy as an excuse! Anyway, thanks for clarifying.

        Reply
  10. Julie says

    11 November 2015 at 8:43 am

    Wow! Congratulations on your two newest blessings. I will pray that they come to you healthy and at just the right time. And I’ll pray for you and your family, that you all adjust to your new reality as well as possible.

    Reply
  11. Anita says

    11 November 2015 at 9:42 am

    Laura, congratulations to you and your family! I confess I had tears of joy in my eyes this morning at the greatness (in both emotion and scope) of this announcement. I will continue to pray for you and those little ones as you nurture them to birth and beyond.

    Reply
  12. Kristin says

    11 November 2015 at 9:43 am

    Congratulations on those precious babies!!!! Praying for you and your sweet family.

    Reply
  13. Micaela says

    11 November 2015 at 9:49 am

    Wow! Rest assured, you will all be in my prayers. When I found out I was pregnant this time, people kept reminding me that twins are more likely as you get older. And then my oldest daughter said on ultrasound day, ” Today we find out if we’re having twins or triplets!” I almost passed out. Turns out we’re having just one, but we’re in a similar boat in that we need a new car and possibly a new house. Yikes.

    Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS, and all my prayers.

    Reply
  14. Timothy says

    11 November 2015 at 9:50 am

    Congratulations! This is so exciting and I can’t wait to meet them. Your family will be in my prayers in the coming months.

    Reply
  15. Cameron says

    11 November 2015 at 9:57 am

    Congratulations, Laura! And all the prayers in the world for you! We will all carry your burden to the Lord, as you have done for so many of us. Sending lots of love to you!

    Reply
  16. ashley.elise says

    11 November 2015 at 10:21 am

    What a beautiful announcement and reflection! I will be praying for you and offering up my upcoming labor for your family!

    Reply
  17. Beth Reynolds says

    11 November 2015 at 11:08 am

    Two little precious lives………two little miracles………..God bless you all.

    Reply
  18. Hannah Hilgendorf says

    11 November 2015 at 11:20 am

    Oh, Laura, how amazing! You and your family are in my prayers! And if you need anything else, let your BISsisters know. We’re here for you. <3

    Reply
  19. Katherine Turpin says

    11 November 2015 at 11:28 am

    Laura,

    What delight! What terror! I am laughing and commiserating with all of my heart at this news. Holding you and your family in prayer and love as you all adjust to this new reality and through these tender early weeks.

    Reply
  20. Kendra says

    11 November 2015 at 11:46 am

    Congratulations Laura. Prayers for your beautiful family.

    Reply
  21. Sherry says

    11 November 2015 at 12:16 pm

    You’ve got this. I know, it seems insane, but prayers and hugs and congratulations on this wonderful gift of more than you planned. (God’s plans always are bigger than our dreams).

    Reply
  22. Madeline says

    11 November 2015 at 12:30 pm

    I have never commented but I’ve always meant to because my brother goes to SJU. Anyway, congratulations! You and your family will be in my prayers!

    Reply
  23. Katie says

    11 November 2015 at 1:06 pm

    God always surprises us with abundant blessings! What faith and trust and courage to share with all of us. I will keep you and your sweet babies in my prayers. The hand written note from your child is a message from God! Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

    Reply
  24. Ishah says

    11 November 2015 at 3:13 pm

    Congratulations!!, and thanks for having the courage to share the news. Every pregnancy should be a celebration from beginning to end regardless of any uncertainties.
    Faith is trust.
    You are not alone 🙂

    Reply
  25. Emily G says

    11 November 2015 at 4:32 pm

    Twins are hard, not gonna lie. Mine were not a surprise to me as they run in my family very strongly and I had a mother’s “knowing” before I even conceived them, but that didn’t make them easier. It still doesn’t. Two two-year-olds is perhaps even harder than two infants. They’re worth it though…and it is really something to see their amazing special friendship.

    Praying for a healthy pregnancy and two healthy babies!

    As an aside, I think Advanced Maternal Age is more of a scare tactic than anything else…I know many women, my mom included, who had babies into their forties.

    Reply
  26. Barb Ortega says

    11 November 2015 at 8:16 pm

    So excited for you and your family ! Congratulations !! You and the babies have been added to my prayer list 🙂

    Reply
  27. Amy A. says

    11 November 2015 at 8:34 pm

    I’m a fairly new reader and a fairly new mom to twins (4.5 months, identical boys) CONGRATULATIONS and welcome to the twin moms club! I know you’re a Minnesota Mom too (I found you through Nell’s blog) and I think my email shows up with the comment- if you have any questions about resources for mothering multiples, don’t hesitate to email me. I will rejoice in prayer for you tonight!

    Reply
  28. Michele says

    11 November 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Oh my goodness…congratulations!!! You will definitely be in my prayers!!!

    Reply
  29. Julie says

    11 November 2015 at 8:42 pm

    Love your blog, and thank God for these wonderful blessings that He is forming in you. It’s all His idea and He will give you all you need. Prepaying for you and your family.

    Reply
  30. Marie says

    11 November 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Congratulations! You are the second blogger I read tonight that found out they were having twins this week. So exciting!!!! Grow, BABIES, Grow! Please know of my prayers for you and your family!!!

    Reply
  31. jenni ho-huan says

    11 November 2015 at 9:51 pm

    Laura!! o my! i feel your nervous joy! be well, be well. we are here to root for you and your precious family; even if virtually (and through prayer).

    Reply
  32. Abbey @ Surviving Our Blessings says

    12 November 2015 at 7:36 am

    So much love coming your way. All the prayers, too. This is way bigger than you guys, but not bigger than God, even on the inevitable days when it feels like it. <3

    Reply
  33. Sara says

    12 November 2015 at 5:08 pm

    What everyone above has said… congrats and prayers and peace and grace be with you all (and with your spirit). Your honesty is admirable and speaks volumes of what faith really looks like – and that is a good thing! Thank you and we will walk with you (virtually) too.

    Reply
  34. Nancy says

    12 November 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Congratulations! What a beautiful exciting story. My prayers will be with you for beautiful healthy babies.

    Reply
  35. Suzanne Feist says

    16 November 2015 at 9:32 am

    Congratulations on your BIG NEWS!! I’m new to this site having just purchased your book on Amazon. I am a 48 year old Catholic mom of 5 in Rapid City SD! We had three children and I was just certain that 4 was our number. It turned out that 5 was our number!! Twins on the end! Our twin boys just turned 13 in October! You can do this!!! Lots of prayers. . . lots of prayers coming your way! We have a Twin Mom group at our Catholic Church. Between 7-10 moms meet regularly to give each other support. Sometimes it is very difficult to be on the receiving end of help. We want to be helping rather than being helped. Please allow your family to be on the receiving end of offers to lighten your load. A very humbling place to be, for sure.

    I’m rooting for you! And praying for you!

    You can do this!

    Suzanne Feist

    Reply
  36. Jennifer says

    23 November 2015 at 7:59 am

    Laura, I’ve been reading and following for over a year. Congratulations! As a fellow domer, I’ll be praying for you and your babies. I thoroughly love your writing–it’s so real–Keep up the great work–it’s a true gift!

    Reply
  37. Rhoda says

    23 January 2016 at 2:19 pm

    Your story has helped to build up my faith in the power of our God to do anything. I am also believing God to conceive identical twin girls. Please keep me in your prayers.

    Reply

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About Laura

I’m Laura Kelly Fanucci. Mother, writer, wonderer. This space is where I explore mothering through writing. It’s where I celebrate how God shows up in the chaos of raising children. It’s where I love to build community with readers like you. Read More…

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If our daughters had lived, we never would have pl If our daughters had lived, we never would have planted this garden. 

There are pockets of beauty in my life today that could not have existed if they had survived.

Acknowledging this does not mean I accept their loss. Or that I wouldn’t trade it all to have them here instead.

But the grieving know this strange, stubborn, saving truth: that goodness can grow in the gaping holes left by the ones we love.

I don’t know any simple ways to make sense of the hard times in which we’re living. As a porous soul, I feel it all and it breaks my heart, even as I cling to what I know is true.

But loving and losing my girls has taught me that life is both heart-breaking and resilient, that surviving is more complicated than we suspect, that most people are walking around shattered beneath the surface.

Sometimes I can catch a glimpse of it, searing as sunlight: the grief in someone’s eyes behind their anger, the burden sagging their shoulders, the past that’s poisoning their present. Few things have transformed my life more than learning to recognize pain in others.

Grief is a long letting go of a life you thought you’d have. Most of us are carrying more of it than we realize—or remember when we’re dealing with each other (especially when we’re tearing each other down).

Go gentle today. Practicing compassion and generosity of spirit will crack open more of the world and its confounding struggles. You might lose the satisfying clarity you clung to before life broke your heart in complicated ways, but you will find more of God in the messy, maddening middle.

I have learned this much from the garden I never planned to plant, from a version of life I never dreamed.
Nearly 20 years ago (!) these crazy kids graduated Nearly 20 years ago (!) these crazy kids graduated from Notre Dame. Now we’re thick in the midst of life-with-kids, celebrating middle school & preschool & everything in between. 
 
Since June is a month for graduations & celebrations, I’m delighted to help you celebrate with @grottonetwork .

Grotto Network shares stories about life, work, faith, relationships, and more. Check out their videos, podcast, and articles to help you reflect on where you are in your journey.
 
Grotto Network has generously given 2-$100 gift cards to Bloomin’ Brands Restaurants (Outback, Carrabba’s, Bonefish Grill & more) to help you celebrate this month with friends & family! It’s a huge giveaway, because we all need to savor and celebrate whatever joy we can find these days.
 
To enter the giveaway, follow @grottonetwork and @thismessygrace and leave a comment below about what you’re celebrating this month. Tag a friend for extra entries (up to 3).
 
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“How did you do this?” I want to ask her. “H “How did you do this?” I want to ask her. “How did you let your heart break a thousand times?”

I want to call my mother and ask her impossible questions, to probe her heart that held five children and let each of us go in the hardest ways. But I know what she will say, “It’s hard. But you’re doing a beautiful job.” She can’t give words to the deepest yearnings and groanings. None of us can.

I wish I could ask my grandmothers, each of them gone for decades now, each of them matriarchs who raised big broods of their own. I never got to know them as an adult, but I have heaps of questions: How did you do it? How did you not lose yourself or your way? Or did you, and that was precisely the point?

I want a whole book of answers to impossible questions, and none exists. So I send my thoughts to the mothers of faith whose short stories, mere snippets on pages, have sparked small lights to guide me along. To Sarah and Ruth, Hagar and Rachel, Mary and Elizabeth. Every unnamed anguish the holy ones carried, every treasure of love they held in their heart.

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We hold it all within us. We cannot give words to the enormity of what it means to mother.

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So I resolve again, a hundred times again, to let this vulnerability become the strength that keeps me fighting for all children to have what I want for my own: life, love, health, safety, support, opportunity, community, hope. This is how parenting asks us to change. To let the particulars of our lives stretch us to love more widely.

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Many of you asked me to save these suggestions I s Many of you asked me to save these suggestions I shared after the school shooting in Uvalde.

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he has filled the hungry with good things,
and sent the rich away empty.”
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Imagine if we stayed in this holy space—not for a moment’s meeting, but for months together—to gestate the dreams God was waiting to birth through us.

Imagine if we let ourselves be filled with the Holy Spirit to shout out with loud cries.
Imagine if we lifted our souls with prayers of justice and joy.

Imagine if we gave each other strength and service, courage and compassion, as we kept asking how to answer God’s call in our ordinary lives.

When women meet, the world changes.

If you want to know how to fight for justice for your children, for your people, for this world, look to the Visitation.

The mothers will show us the way. They already have.

(Image from the “Windsock Visitation” by Br. Mickey McGrath, OSFS, commissioned for the Monastery of the Visitation in north Minneapolis.)
Here’s what I wish I would have heard preached t Here’s what I wish I would have heard preached today on the Ascension.

Right now is a time to be prophetic and pastoral, a time for each of us to ask how God is calling us to act.
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