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the gift of ordinary time

8 Comments

I have a sneaking suspicion this is what matters most.

Not the anticipation of Advent, the celebration of Christmas, the long journey of Lent, or the exuberance of Easter.

But the everyday of Ordinary Time.

Lately our kids have been grumbling about the Christmas decorations being packed away. The house looks so plain, I hate it.

And they’re right. There is something melancholy about tucking away the trappings of such a happy season.

At first glance we see only absence. The gaping space where the tree stood. The empty mantel where the creche was displayed. The bare door frame where grinning faces of friends and family beamed down at us from Christmas cards.

But there is welcome relief in slipping back into the ordinary, too.

Rediscovering the beauty of what was already around us, hidden behind the holiday lights and ornaments. The walls and windows of our own world. The places and peace that we had already worked to cultivate.

2014 Photos 042

I have noticed over the past few years a stirring within myself. Pulling away from the excitement of The Big Events and drawing towards the quiet everyday.

Part of this awakening came with motherhood, which taught that I am an introvert. A solitude-seeking soul who craves calm. Someone who needs to cultivate space for silence, even in the midst of this good work of raising a busy family.

But part of this shift came from stepping back from the whirl of our culture, its constant reaching for The Next Big Thing, its frantic need to fill the stores with the next holiday’s decorations the second that the latest over-hyped celebration ends.

I’m tired of being bombarded with Valentine’s pinks and reds as soon as New Year’s hats are whisked off the shelves.

I want to savor the spaces in between.

So at home, I’m growing grateful for bare windowsills and sparse shelves. For the glow from a single lit candle. For the quiet dark of winter nights.

And at church, I am remembering how much I love Ordinary Time, too.

I am whispering thanks for the wisdom of a tradition that knows our human need for time and space in-between.

2014 Photos 182

Jesus did most of his living and working in ordinary time. Thirty years before his ministry became public. We don’t know the ordinary stories from those decades, but they must have been filled with the regular routines that fill our own lives: work, family, learning, growth, rest, repeat.

All of Jesus’s ordinary time added up, slowly over seasons and years, to make him who he was. A son, a friend, a neighbor, a prophet, a healer, a teacher, a leader.

I wonder who we are each becoming in our ordinary time, too. As we wash the dishes, dry the laundry, do our work, love our families. How are we shaped by the routines and regular living of each day?

They are something to celebrate, these unassuming weeks of Ordinary Time. They shape us, slowly over seasons and years, into the people that God dreams we will become.

I suspect this ordinary time matters most. Do you?

. . .

A normal day! Holding it in my hands this one last time,
I have come to see it as more than an ordinary rock. It is a gem, a jewel.
In time of war, in peril of death, people have dug their hands and faces into the earth and remembered this. In time of sickness and pain, people have buried their faces in pillows and wept for this. In times of loneliness and separation, people have stretched themselves taut and waited for this. In time of hunger, homelessness, and want, people have raised bony hands to the skies and stayed alive for this. . .

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me learn from you, love you, savor you, bless you, before you depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so.
One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow,
or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky,
and want more than all the world your return.
And then I will know what now I am guessing:
that you are, indeed, a common rock and not a jewel,
but that a common rock made of the very mass substance of the earth
in all its strength and plenty puts a gem to shame.

– Mary Jean Irion, from the essay “Let Me Hold You While I May”
in the book “Yes, World: A Mosaic of Meditation” (1970)

2014 Photos 072

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Comments

  1. nellkalt says

    22 January 2015 at 6:35 am

    Really big love!!

    We are still battling the plague. I really hope you guys don’t get this. I puked 25+ times in one night. So awful. But we will overcome, right? And the plus of sleeping all day yesterday is getting some blessed is she work done this early morn. I’m so impressed with the Lenten book!!! So proud of your hard work!!

    >

    Reply
  2. Claire says

    22 January 2015 at 8:59 am

    I so relate to this! I didn’t know I was an introvert until I got married and became a mother. I definitely have a social side, and when I was single I was lonely a good amount of the time, so it didn’t occur to me that I was an introvert. But once I started sharing space with my husband and then my son, I realized how much I crave my alone time! I’m sure this is partly my innate nature and partly all those years of living alone that made me accustomed to me-time. I definitely struggle with putting away the Christmas decorations, especially because this time of year is so dark and cold that it helps to have some sparkle and liveliness in the house. But now that they’re put away, I am enjoying the simplicity. There is something very freeing about being able to appreciate the beauty in that simplicity. It reminds me a lot of my motherhood journey. I’m an infant/toddler/preschool person, and it is heartwrenching that those days of my motherhood are behind me. Yet there are so many joys in my son’s current age, and I’m sure there will be when he’s older too (well, maybe not adolescence…). The devil is trying very hard to let my mourning over the end of the early years steal my current joy, and I have to constantly guard against letting him do it.

    Reply
    • Laura says

      29 January 2015 at 10:15 pm

      Yes, Claire – I am right there with you! In introversion, in nostalgia, in the tension between wanting to savor what is right now and longing for what was or will be. I always love when you share your perspective here – thank you!

      Reply
  3. Peg Conway says

    22 January 2015 at 9:25 am

    As I started reading your post, I thought of that “normal day” poem/essay, which I came across many years ago. We have two friends whose spouses have cancer, one actively dying, so the treasure of a normal day is especially poignant to me at present.

    Reply
    • Laura says

      29 January 2015 at 10:14 pm

      Peg, this is such a beautiful perspective. It reminds me of Katrina Kenison’s writing, too. The gift of an ordinary day is no small treasure.

      Reply
  4. Amanda says

    30 January 2015 at 10:49 pm

    Laura. This post is so very beautiful. I love the presence of it. I love how it draws you into embracing the little. Love it! It reminds me of. Fr. De Caussade’s book on the sacrament of the present moment. After reading that, my whole world took new light. My very presence felt so purposeful. There really is so much good even if it’s hard to remember. At least I know for me after a few nights of little sleep, and on my good days for that matter, I’m not finding the beauty in my ordinary as much as I know my heart would love me to.

    Reply
    • Laura says

      1 February 2015 at 11:43 pm

      Amanda, thank you for these beautiful words! I love that book, too – you are inspiring me to pick it up again! It is truly a 180 turn to look at the world and our lives so differently, in such a grace-filled light. The beauty in the ordinary is such an important thing.

      Reply
  5. Kay Rindal says

    29 January 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Mary Jean Irion was one of my father’s favorite writers. I don’t know how he discovered her — we were not Catholic — but he so admired her!
    I, too, am an introvert, and so identify with appreciating Ordinary Time. Thanks for writing, even when you’re being overwhelmed. Praying for the twins and for your family.

    Reply

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I’m Laura Kelly Fanucci. Mother, writer, wonderer. This space is where I explore mothering through writing. It’s where I celebrate how God shows up in the chaos of raising children. It’s where I love to build community with readers like you. Read More…

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I have a habit of walking the ATL tunnels, but nev I have a habit of walking the ATL tunnels, but never made it to terminal T until yesterday. What I found stopped me in my tracks and spun my day around.

May we let ourselves be interrupted by joy and remember the beauty of being human.

Even in the least likely places.
If our daughters had lived, we never would have pl If our daughters had lived, we never would have planted this garden. 

There are pockets of beauty in my life today that could not have existed if they had survived.

Acknowledging this does not mean I accept their loss. Or that I wouldn’t trade it all to have them here instead.

But the grieving know this strange, stubborn, saving truth: that goodness can grow in the gaping holes left by the ones we love.

I don’t know any simple ways to make sense of the hard times in which we’re living. As a porous soul, I feel it all and it breaks my heart, even as I cling to what I know is true.

But loving and losing my girls has taught me that life is both heart-breaking and resilient, that surviving is more complicated than we suspect, that most people are walking around shattered beneath the surface.

Sometimes I can catch a glimpse of it, searing as sunlight: the grief in someone’s eyes behind their anger, the burden sagging their shoulders, the past that’s poisoning their present. Few things have transformed my life more than learning to recognize pain in others.

Grief is a long letting go of a life you thought you’d have. Most of us are carrying more of it than we realize—or remember when we’re dealing with each other (especially when we’re tearing each other down).

Go gentle today. Practicing compassion and generosity of spirit will crack open more of the world and its confounding struggles. You might lose the satisfying clarity you clung to before life broke your heart in complicated ways, but you will find more of God in the messy, maddening middle.

I have learned this much from the garden I never planned to plant, from a version of life I never dreamed.
The Moment After Suffering By Jessica Powers (Sis The Moment After Suffering

By Jessica Powers (Sister Miriam of the Holy Spirit)

Time’s cupped hand holds
no place so lenient, so calm as this, 
the moment after suffering. It is like
a sunlit clearing after densest wood,
bright by antithesis.
One sits upon a stump to get one’s bearing
and to admire such evidence of day.
Thicket and tangle fade; the furtive creatures
of darkness take their leave and slink away.
One feeds upon a succulent rich wisdom
that, to the mind’s surprise, has naught to do 
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Oh, there are woods, of course, long forest stretches
of wide inhabited darkness to be crossed,
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But even these elude this meditation,
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the harsh, obtrusive sun that walks our sky,
light that the soul assimilates until
not witness but participant it stands,
taking of Godhead its amazing fill.
A morning meditation after a week of hard conversa A morning meditation after a week of hard conversations.
I bristle whenever I hear (well-meaning wise ones I bristle whenever I hear
(well-meaning wise ones say)

“Little kids, little problems.
Big kids, big problems.”

I know what they mean, of course. Parenting gets more complicated as young people grow.

But when my children were tiny, I was faced with trying to keep them alive despite life-threatening complications. That wasn’t little.

I know parents with grade-schoolers on suicide watch or tweens in intense therapy. That’s not little.

Life can be complicated and challenging from its very beginning.

The deeper wisdom I find is that smaller children do bring solvable circumstances in ways that older children do not.

Wet? Change to dry.
Hungry? Feed to full.
Sad? Comfort to calm.

In the midst of potty training my fifth child, I’ve realized something that my younger self would scoff to hear:

I will miss the cloth diaper laundry.

For thirteen years the bright colors have churned in our washer, tumbled in our dryer, hung on the line. Contrary to what you might think, they’re the easiest laundry of the household. Simple to sort, quick to fold, satisfying to stack.

But we’re leaving behind this stage for bigger clothes, washed independently by bigger kids. They’ll have to figure out more messes on their own.

May I stay grateful for whatever solvable circumstances their lives bring them.

May I learn to love them through whatever can’t be easily cleaned or smoothed or sorted.
Nearly 20 years ago (!) these crazy kids graduated Nearly 20 years ago (!) these crazy kids graduated from Notre Dame. Now we’re thick in the midst of life-with-kids, celebrating middle school & preschool & everything in between. 
 
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