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a baptism anniversary: the third moment

9 Comments

One year ago today, we baptized Samuel.  One, two, three plunges of a wriggling baby into the waters of new life. Not just a symbolic act, but a sacramental transformation that forever changed his relationship to us, to the Church, to God.

Today I’ve been reflecting on what it means to live out a sacrament – the idea of the “third moment” of sacraments.

The first moment is the preparation (the baptism class, the marriage prep).

The second moment is the celebration (the immersion in water, the giving of vows).

And the third moment is the living out of the sacrament (as the newly baptized or the newly married). The third moment involves the individual’s ongoing relationship with God and the community’s ongoing relationship with the individual.

When I speak to pastors and ministers about young adult ministry, I encourage them to consider how their parishes and congregations live out the third moment of sacraments like baptism or marriage.

Some parishes have sponsor couples for marriage or baptism that keep in touch with the newlyweds or new parents throughout the next year or two, calling them at several points to hear how things are going and invite them to get involved in the life of the congregation.

Other churches host pot-luck gatherings for all the couples who have been married or parents who have brought their children to be baptized in the past year. It’s a chance to reconnect, share their stories, and meet others in the same stage of life.

Churches need to help people live out the third moment of sacraments through a growing relationship with God. The sacrament is the invitation to journey one step deeper into what it means to follow Christ and to live a life of faith. Because it is through sacraments that we encounter the living God. And our relationship with God and with the Church is forever changed.

Sacraments are about relationships. We are baptized, and we become part of the fellowship of believers. We receive communion, and we are invited to share at Christ’s table. We marry, and we enter into a covenant of commitment with our spouse and with God.

Life is never the same.

Living out the third moment of a sacrament like baptism takes small steps.

Each Sunday we take Sam back to the church where he was baptized. We bless him with holy water from the same font, and I remind him that this pool of water was where he began as a follower of Christ. We pray with him when he wakes, when he eats, and when he sleeps, so that he will come to learn the rhythms of a life of prayer.

We also live out the third moment of his baptism by involving him more and more with the life of the Christian community into which he entered one year ago today.

We build friendships in our parish. We get involved with church committees and serve as liturgical ministers. We try to give back to the community that nurtures us, and we try to model for Sam what it will mean for him to grow into the Church.

Today we celebrated his baptismal anniversary by lighting his baptismal candle and telling the story of his sacrament.

We took a long family walk in the warm fall evening. We talked about ways we will continue to celebrate his baptismal day as he gets older: with a special dessert, with a visit to the church to see the baptismal font, with special prayers.

I found this prayer online with no attribution to the author, so please let me know if you discover its origin. A beautiful way to celebrate the third moment of a baptism!

Baptism Anniversary Prayer

Remember this, Name.
You have been washed
In the saving waters of baptism
And anointed with holy oil.
Place on your head and in your heart
The sign of the cross of salvation.

Trace the sign of the cross on the child’s head and heart.

Loving God,
You created all the people of the world,
And you know each of us by name.
We thank you for N.,
Who celebrates the anniversary of her baptism.
Bless her with your love and friendship
That she may grow in wisdom, knowledge, and grace.
May she love her family always
And be ever faithful to her friends.
Grant this through Christ our Lord.

R. Amen

Place your hands on the child’s head or shoulders.

May God, in whose presence our ancestors walked, bless you.
 Amen.
May God, who has been your shepherd from birth until now, keep you.
 Amen.
May God, who saves you from all harm, give you peace. 
Amen.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Louise says

    1 October 2015 at 4:02 am

    The Church has given an opportunity to gain a plenary indulgence if one renews the baptismal promises on that day.

    A partial indulgence is granted to the faithful, who renew their baptismal promises according to formula in use; but a plenary indulgence is granted, if this is done either: 1) in the celebration of the Paschal Vigil or 2) on the anniversary of one’s baptism.

    https://www.catholicculture.org/culture/liturgicalyear/prayers/view.cfm?id=1094

    Reply
    • motheringspirit says

      1 October 2015 at 9:40 am

      I had never heard of this, Louise! Thank you so much for sharing. A lovely reminder of how very important and sacred a renewal of baptismal vows can be!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. prayers for anxiety in pregnancy « mothering spirit says:
    15 June 2011 at 12:45 pm

    […] Prayers for a baptism anniversary. The post I wrote for S’s 1st anniversary gets hits from search engines nearly every day. I find this to be a hopeful sign, that people really want to celebrate the third moment of sacraments, to keep remembering and living out their their importance. I’m now even more determined to track down good baptism anniversary prayers each year for my kids’ celebrations so that I have more to share. […]

    Reply
  2. every parent’s prayer « mothering spirit says:
    29 September 2011 at 8:35 am

    […] And considering this blog gets hits every single day from people searching for baptism anniversary prayers, it certainly should have received at least as much attention as last year. […]

    Reply
  3. book, bath, table & time: teaching at home « mothering spirit says:
    25 March 2012 at 2:33 pm

    […] meals, scrubbing garden dirt from fingernails, wiping paint from faces – remind me that baptism is an everyday sacrament: cleansing, refreshing, blessing. I hope I can immerse my children in a […]

    Reply
  4. the taste of memory « mothering spirit says:
    7 November 2012 at 10:56 am

    […] celebrated both boys’ baptism anniversaries a few weeks back. (Now you know why I’ve had baptism on the brain so much lately.) Their days […]

    Reply
  5. What We Talk About When We Talk About Sacraments | CatholicMom.com says:
    24 October 2014 at 4:59 pm

    […] a special dinner and dessert, lighting their baptismal candle at the dinner table. (Click here for a baptism anniversary prayer!) Tell your child why you wanted to have them baptized and what you hoped it would bring to their […]

    Reply
  6. The Scrawl Vol. 1, No. 17 | The Middle Button says:
    8 March 2016 at 10:24 pm

    […] enjoyed these notes on living into the sacraments. We recently got a holy water font that we put up near our door, and […]

    Reply
  7. the bravest baptism - Mothering Spirit says:
    14 March 2016 at 7:42 am

    […] remember the sight of Sam’s baptism. Holding our baby – our own baby! after years of hoping! – dressed in the same white […]

    Reply

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About Laura

I’m Laura Kelly Fanucci. Mother, writer, wonderer. This space is where I explore mothering through writing. It’s where I celebrate how God shows up in the chaos of raising children. It’s where I love to build community with readers like you. Read More…

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Mother, writer, wonderer.
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Glimpses of grace & gratitude.

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Imagine the relief of arriving at an oasis after a Imagine the relief of arriving at an oasis after a long trip though the wilderness.

Like a deep gulp of water, God is waiting to refresh us in body and spirit.

We’ll meet, we’ll pray, we might even laugh. (The company of kindred spirits has a way of drawing laughter from even the hardest rock.)

We have known the long, lonely desert.

Now we get to come together in the sanctuary of solace—to hold each other’s stories, to honor our love for our children, and to hope in God’s promise: be not afraid and I am with you.

Oasis is made by grieving mothers, for grieving mothers.

A place where our tears can water new life. A time set apart when we can be known and heard in our love.

A virtual retreat to restore and rejuvenate us, right where we are.

I hope you will join me May 1-2 if you know this need. And if you don’t, will you tag a friend below? Odds are good you know someone whose heart and spirit could use the comfort of companionship and the hope of time in prayer.

Register now with the link in my bio.

With gratitude to the mothers who are joining me to create this sacred space:
@marylenaburg 
@leticiaoadams 
@justinakopp 
@michaela.evanow 
@jilliankubik 
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@fawnlyprints
I want to tell you what it means to weep with thos I want to tell you what it means to weep with those who weep.

It means you will be changed. You must be changed.

Weeping with those who weep does not mean passing the thin Kleenex of your pity.

Nor does it mean steamrolling their grief with your opinion.

Nor does it mean telling them to pull themselves up, be strong, or get over it.

It means you plunk yourself down next to them, quiet yourself, listen and let yourself be moved.

Which means changed. Which means converted.

This is why the exhortation is holy. Why we call it God’s Word and not just A Nice Thing To Do.

We read Romans 12 at our wedding. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Had we known then what we know now, would we have spoken words of weeping on a day of rejoicing?

Absolutely.

Our calling as Christ-followers is to be transformed by the suffering of others—and to do what we can to lessen their pain. We are here to live the breadth and depth and sorrow and joy of what it means to be human.

If you see the staggering sorrow around you and wonder where to start, sit down near the mourning, quiet yourself, listen and let yourself be moved. What they want most is to be heard and honored, supported and seen.

Weep with those who weep.

Do not seek to minimize, justify, or dismiss. Do not seek to save yourself from the mess. You are already part of it.

But you can be part of the healing, too. When you weep with those who weep.

Then ask God to show you what to do next.
Where can a mother go to grieve? She craves comfo Where can a mother go to grieve?

She craves comfort for body and soul. She seeks the sanctuary of safe space. She wants the wisdom of women who have walked this way before. She needs time to honor her love, remember her child, and wrestle with her grief.

This May, I want to offer this space of solace.

Oasis is a virtual retreat for grieving mothers. On May 1-2 (Bereaved Mother’s Day), we’ll gather to create a place of prayer and support.

In the comfort of our own homes, we’ll reflect with simple, creative practices to connect with God, each other, and our children. Together we’ll share Scripture, small groups, and space for reflecting in peace and quiet.

We’ll drink from the Word. We’ll find beauty in art and song.

We’ll learn from other mothers who understand the loss of a child.

We’ll keep finding a way in the wilderness together.

Oasis is a crossroads of connection on our journey. A place where we can pause and be refreshed. A moment’s rest where we can seek God’s peace and presence.

You can make this retreat right in the middle of your life, joining us for as much as you need.

Registration is now open on my website. Sliding scale fees & scholarships are available if you need. You can also gift the retreat to a grieving mother you love.

Whether you lost a baby before birth or a child in adulthood, your story matters here.

Step into the comfort of Oasis.

#griefsupport #grievingmother #griefretreat #childloss
Coming to you Friday morning. A big piece of my he Coming to you Friday morning. A big piece of my heart, ready to welcome you in.

Today as I sit in quiet anticipation, I’m remembering echoes of The Day Before.

The day before birth, waiting and wondering whether baby was on the way.

The day before death, hoping and praying for peace and the power of a miracle.

Tomorrow holds slivers of birth and death, all woven together, tight to my heart.

It’s a new creation I’ve dreamed about for years, but never got to bring to life until now.

Most importantly, it’s my prayer to you—that you know you aren’t alone in the broken places.

Coming soon.
The year after our daughters died was filled with The year after our daughters died was filled with stunning skies.

Violet sunsets and rosy dawns. Navy stormclouds and lavender evenings. Buttercream wisps and pewter fogs.

I spent hours that year craning my eyes up, tilting my head back to take in the wide view. Had I never looked up before, never noticed the shifting seasons in the stars?

The world was ripped open, jarring and raw—but the year of violet skies was a sole beauty.

Grief can peel back parts of existence you did not know before. We call it darkness or depression, heaping layers of shadow upon realities that reach beyond words. But what it is runs deeper: the gold-flecked vein of life cutting through the gray stone of loss.

We are shining. We are barely scraping by.

As spring unfurls into shocking buds and pale green hope, I keep remembering that wild palette of horizons five years gone.

Bruised skies, slashing rains. Watercolor sunsets bleeding into night. A pale peach sunrise so breathless and perfect I thought it might be the last on earth.

And then it wasn't. And then the next day rose and set anew. Life keeps going, even when ours stops. Equal parts blessing and curse.

We get to choose so little of what happens to us. But we have the power to notice.

Seeing can be enough to save a life.
Spent Holy Saturday musing on mothering & grief. H Spent Holy Saturday musing on mothering & grief. How birth can be like death (and death like birth). How food can become Love.
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