ESSAYS
Am I Doing This Right? Crosses, Questions, and Awe in Creation
“What’s that?” my 5-year-old asks, pointing to a ceramic cross above the bedroom door at my parents’ house as I lie down next to him to help him fall asleep. “It’s a cross,” I reply matter-of-factly, with a pang of guilt that I apparently haven’t done a good enough job at catechizing my child for…
READ MORE
Too Big to Be Told: Parenting Young Adults
Even when they were small, I was nervous that time would march relentlessly on and I would find myself where I am today: my kids ready to fly the coop and me, unready. This April, a tall, sincere, young man asked for my daughter’s hand. My social media went frenzied, and everyone asked how I…
READ MORE
Letting Go of My Own Way
My teenage son finally gave in to the sleep that he so badly needed, literally collapsing onto his bedroom floor while it was still light out. As the morning alarms went off, I crept to his room and could see he was stirring. A sense of relief washed over me like those early days when…
READ MORE
Caregiving as an Act of God
In the beginning were the caregivers. And the caregivers were with God. And the caregivers were God. On March 27, 2023, I found myself sitting at a round table in the sixth-floor atrium of the Critical Care Tower at Vanderbilt University Medical Center (VUMC) receiving a tutorial from a total parenteral nutrition (TPN) educator. I…
READ MORE
Mother of One, Mother of All
Eyes wide, her whole body abruptly leaned toward the computer screen. With shock on her face, she turned to me. “You are in a very serious condition. You could have a seizure anytime,” the nurse told me. “Oh, ok…Will I still be able to go home?” “You are not going anywhere until this baby comes…
READ MORE
Loved, Not Forgotten
I find out I’m expecting again in March of 2021. Two bright pink lines on a pregnancy test stare back at me in our bathroom. I count nine months forward to a due date in November. November, a month for cinnamon and cloves, sweater weather, and now, my second child’s birthday. My breath catches. I…
READ MORE
Confessions of an Angry Mom
A little hand reaches up to the counter, and papers flutter to the floor. While I restack them, a chair is pushed over. Maybe even a plant. Something in me starts to tighten and grow, a tense little ball of fire. Words spill out, but they are useless; they clink to the floor. My preschooler…
READ MORE
Between Light and Shadow
Author’s Note: I am a photographer by trade but my works have almost always been accompanied by my words. When Laura approached me about creating a piece for Mothering Spirit, I knew I wanted it to be spoken in the language of flowers. The words and photographs that follow are each an aspect of the…
READ MORE
Embracing the Spectrum: A Journey of Love and Neurodivergence
As I leaned over his crib, a tumult of emotions swirled within me as I attuned to the gentle cadence of his rising and falling chest. His soft, rhythmic newborn breaths and those distinct half-lidded eyes—a trait he still holds onto—whispered of dreams beyond my comprehension. My fingers gently cradled his petal-soft newborn hand, its…
READ MORE
Passing on Faith, Living with Doubt
“Mommy, I think you’re making this up.” That’s what my 5 year-old daughter said to me when I had tried to answer her question: Can Jesus and Mary see us right now, in our living room? Truthfully, my garbled answer didn’t even feel true to me. I’m not exactly sure what I said, but whatever…
READ MORE
The Grandparenthood
I was sitting on the couch holding the newborn who was trying to fall asleep and burp at the same time. The gentle rocking wasn’t helping, but the soft humming I was doing seemed to soothe him, at least for now. My left arm having fallen asleep, I switched him to the right arm which…
READ MORE
When God Feels Far Away
“What ya doin’?” my 7-year-old daughter asked me, eyeing the colored pencils scattered across my bed and the opened notebook before me, oblivious to the earliness of the hour. We were both still in our pajamas. I was sitting cross-legged on my bed with a steaming cup of coffee on my bedside table. Her art-loving…
READ MORE